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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write about the following topic. Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #computer #effects #children
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We are living in
the
Correct article usage
an
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 era where we are surrounded by ample
of
Change preposition
apply
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technological instruments.
Although
 it is a
cuurent
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current
 need of our
prospertiy
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prosperity
 to cope up with new gadgets and
devices
,especially the new generation of computers.Nowadays our
children
 need computer
devices
 more than anything,which has increased the demand and usage of computer
devices
 a lot. In recent times,
children
 require
dektops
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desktops
,laptops and tablets for sake of their daily school
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homework
show examples
home work
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homework
show examples
.
Furthermore
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,Furthermore
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 kids need to
use
 these
devices
 almost
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.It seems like that,It has become
the
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a
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 necessity
of
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in
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 their lives.In
fact
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,fact
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this
 daily
use
 of these
devices
 has its own
mertis
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merits
,I my
opnenion
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opinion
 the extra
use
 of these gadgets has more negative effects on
children
's physical and mental health.
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For example
Forexample
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For example
 due
everyday
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to everyday
show examples
use
 of computers they are less likely to go out and take a part in physical
supports
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support
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,by dint of
this
 nowadays kids are becoming
more
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apply
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weaker and sick, they are carrying more
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diseases
deseases
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diseases
 than what
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previous
previose
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previous
 generations have.
Moreover
,one of the biggest
draw back
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drawback
show examples
 of
routine
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the routine
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use
 of these
devices
 is that the
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teenagers
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teen agers
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teenagers
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 have become
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addicted
adicted
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addicted
for
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to
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 doing all their task by
usaing
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using
 their laptops and computers.
This
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addiction
adiction
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addiction
 is becoming worse and worse and
puting
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putting
 very negative impacts on
children
's
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behaviours
behavours
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behaviour
 and their natures, they have become more stubborn,
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disrespectful
disrespectfull
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disrespectful
 and disobedient.I observed that recently some parents actually
stat
Wrong verb form
stated
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concerning
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concerned
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 with doctors for their
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children
childr
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child
;s mental
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
. All
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together
togather
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together
,
Daily
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the Daily
show examples
use
 of
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
devices
 are producing huge bad impacts on our
children
,we should take
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serious
seriously
seriouse
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serious
 steps to overcome
this
 issue,and get rid of it, for
sake
Add an article
the sake
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our
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of our
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 better health.
Submitted by ieltsfay on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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