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Band 5

Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #inventions #phones
Technology with no
argue
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argument
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 is one of the greatest human inventions in history,
currently
Add a comma
,currently
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 we cannot do anything without the
interfere
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interference
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 of technology,
Although
 these inventions are so important, some people
believes
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believe
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 that
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 making us less interactive with each other’s , while others disagree as its making connections much easier than before. In my opinion, I believe that technology and especially
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 made us more social but not in a traditional way. How often do we use these
smartphones
? Just if we think about living without them nowadays, we will be frustrated, from early morning most of us are using
their
Correct pronoun usage
our
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 mobile to set an automatic alarm every day, we have
smartphones
 that can measure our heart rates while we are sleeping,
we
Correct word choice
and we
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 can easily call our parents anytime, and there are a lot more advantages for using
smartphones
 that makes us more social.
Firstly
,
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 use of
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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 , we can easily interact with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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 and
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
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 becomes
more
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apply
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easier. Nowadays, using smart applications
such
 as
whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
Whatsapp
, we are creating multiple
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
groups with multiple
of
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apply
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people, someone living abroad can easily create a group with his family living in his country, his sister living in Africa , and his brother who lives in
US
Correct article usage
the US
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, they can chat all the day, they can share what they are eating, open video calls.
In addition
,
other
Change preposition
with other
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 applications
such
 as
tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 you can connect with your friends,
share
Correct word choice
and share
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 your activities together, all these activities were not available before the invention of
smartphones
. In conclusion, I believe that mobile phones are so important in our daily routine and it’s a reason to be more connected to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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 but only if we are using
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way.
Submitted by ayoub.mehdi on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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