IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people claim that the government should provide free health care. Others think that the government will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment and it’s better to invest those funds in education and culture. What is your opinion?

#people #government #health #care #methods #treatment #it’s #funds #education #culture
society has a distinction in opinions on whether government money should be spent on innovative methods of treatment and free health care or whether it will be beneficial to invest those funds in education and culture. From my point of view, the sums of authority expenses on drastic needs
such
 as residents’ health and treatments should always be surpassed compared to other needs. First of all, people must have the ability to receive innovative and basic treatments from the government without any additional cost.
Although
 culture and education are not the worst things for investments, citizens who suffered from diseases, and would not pay attention to their development. Taking into account the
last
 events
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Coronavirus, the financial resources of governments of many countries needed to be invested in a short period of time in developing vaccines. The slightest delays or lack of finances could provoke huge repercussions.
Secondly
,
due to
 the fact that every individual pays taxes, the ministry must provide needed services for its taxpayers. The reckless expenses of tax funds may become a reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
displeasure
Correct article usage
the displeasure
show examples
 of citizens and
hence
 can induce relies and strikes. To illustrate that, when the politics of Kazakhstan provided an idea for the project, forming a national spirit, called “Ruhani Zhangiru”, it was the
last
 thing folk cared about since the statistics showed that most part of income Kazakh public, suffering from starvation, spent on food. In summary, even though the development of education and culture are important they should be funded less by the government,
while
 investments in health care and treatments should be in top priority.
Submitted by alikozha2003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt by discussing the importance of government spending on health care and treatments over education and culture. The opinion is well-supported throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically connected and the essay flows well from one point to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!