IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenager. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this?

#countries #proportion #acts #teenager
Nowadays, teenagers have independence, so they usually do everything in personal ways. It is very easy to embark on major problems of the era
such
 as murder, kidnapping, stole many things. There are many reasons leading to a high proportion of criminal acts in teenagers in almost countries around the world.
First
, more and more people are suffering from parental neglect. Their
parents
 never take care about thinking of their children. They just know earn money. Many sons never get advice from their
parents
. And it accidentally makes the percentage of juvenile delinquency increase.
Besides
 that, peer pressure is one of the reasons. They always must do almost things better than classmates
such
 as the result of the exam. They have less
time
 to play outdoor activities and sometimes they feel stressed. So doing unlawful acts
such
 as smoking is a comfortable thing in their life. Dealing with juvenile delinquency is very difficult because my
parents
 don't have enough
time
 to take care of my son. We need to spend more
time
 playing with family members. Teenagers want to feel love from their
parents
. Good education in school
also
 plays an important role. The student doesn't have strain when they are studying. Fighting in the education environment needs to solved be equip surveillance cameras and must have a harsh punishment. Humans have to build the best education in their countries. In conclusion, the rate of juvenile delinquency is easy to control.
Parents
 should spend a lot of
time
 understanding their children and know their children's desires for something. Teachers as government must control problems in their schools and the appearance of
vape
Wrong verb form
vaping
show examples
. They have more programs to raise awareness among students about the consequences of criminal activities.
Submitted by domaianh.uliser on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: