IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenager. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this?

#countries #proportion #acts #teenager
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In recent years, the growing percentage of juvenile delinquency has become a pressing controversy.
This
Linking Words
 essay will deeply explore
this
Linking Words
 complicated phenomenon, identify the relevant contributing factors and bring up feasible
countermeasure
Fix the agreement mistake
countermeasures
show examples
. For a start, there is an array of integrated factors contributing to
this
Linking Words
 complicated phenomenon. Chief among causes is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 place where
teenagers
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lived. Many
children
Use synonyms
 lived in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthy family so we have enough food and clothes. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accidentally
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 many poor
children
Use synonyms
 always want to same thing. They can do many unlawful activities
such
Linking Words
 as murder if acts can help them have
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
many
Correct your spelling
any
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 money.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, because of
poor
Correct pronoun usage
their poor
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 background they have no
choose
Replace the word
choice
show examples
, they must do something for
Add an article
a survey
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survey
Change the noun form
surveys
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such
Linking Words
 as
stolen
Replace the word
steal
show examples
 food and goods. It is,
moreover
Linking Words
, school is one of the reasons make
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 rate of teen crime
increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 can be had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harsh punishment.
They
Correct your spelling
The
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 easy feel
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
 and boring. They don’t want to go to school to study. Leading to awareness of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 will be limited and easy embark on evils.
Teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
Teachers
show examples
 don’t understand the students when they
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 they very acute.
They
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 easy approach many bad
cultural
Replace the word
cultures
show examples
. Confronted with
such
Linking Words
 as thorny issue, we should come up with a variety of effective countermeasures.
First
Linking Words
 of all, having some punishment when
teenagers
Use synonyms
 do criminal activities even
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
if this
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 is a petty crime.
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
this
Linking Words
 moment, they feel scared and never do
this
Linking Words
 again. Education programs need to approach the consequences of criminal acts, helping
teenagers
Use synonyms
 avoid bad
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
.
Policy
Add an article
The policy
A policy
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 of government
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to achieve immediate,
helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 poor
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 and
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
burden
Correct article usage
the burden
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 financial. Parents should take care of their
son
Fix the agreement mistake
sons
show examples
 and talk some advice and experience when they have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 same age with
children
Use synonyms
. Spending a lot of time playing
outdoors
Replace the word
outdoor
show examples
 activities
instead
Linking Words
 of surfing the internet. In conclusion,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 rate of teen crime increasing
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many reasons
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 from family,
school
Correct word choice
and school
show examples
. They need to have more
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Add an article
The teacher
A teacher
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Teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
Teachers
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 should
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 everything from
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
. And in the family, parents
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
ma
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 have more time with
children
Use synonyms
 and teach them more
valued
Replace the word
valuable
show examples
 lessons.
Submitted by domaianh.uliser on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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