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Band 3.5

The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. What advantages and disadvantages can come of this trend?

#people #home #countries #trend
Nowadays technology is being widely used in almost every sector of our life.
This
 technology gives
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
choice
Correct article usage
the choice
show examples
 to
work
 from any place and
time
 they want.
This
 thing has both advantages and disadvantages and it will discuss in
trail
Correct your spelling
trial
show examples
 paragraphs.
To begin
 with pros, online working helps in saving valuable
time
 in
this
 fast-paced world.
Instead
 of spending precious
time
 and more on getting to
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
, one can use those resources on doing more. Online jobs are convenient for
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
can
Correct pronoun usage
who can
show examples
 be able to take care of their small children.
Furthermore
,
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from home
also
 offers flexibility, staff can do
work
 at their suitable
time
. They do not need to circle around their office table the whole day.
Moreover
,
this
also
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 workers free from travel to
office
Add an article
the office
an office
show examples
. In sharp contrast, talking about disadvantages, sometimes they don't feel they are working when they sit their home and
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 their duties.
Eventually
Add a comma
,Eventually
show examples
 they may lose their concentration and that will affect their
work
 negatively.
Secondly
, for some jobs like marketing is not possible online, people who
work
 in
this
 felid
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to go to customers and explain about their product.
Lastly
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, working online makes people
isolated
Wrong verb form
isolate
show examples
 themselves in their private worlds,
while
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 is one of the reasons for depression and other mental problems. On
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
close scrutiny, I conclude that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are both positives and negatives of working online.
Although
 it provides freedom and reduces stress, it
also
 reduces productivity.
Submitted by directtomhj on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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