IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with thrir family. Others believe that thid is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #time #thrir #thid
In recent days, a highly controversial issue relating to
children
's free
time
 is that some individuals view that
children
 must spend their leisure
time
 with their family members for it brings pleasure to the communities, while others believe the opposite. In
this
 essay, I am going to examine the phenomenon from both viewpoints and I will support real_relvant examples.
To begin
 with, some people argue that siblings must spend their free
time
 with their family. The main reason for these claims is that when
children
 stay with their family and share their free
time
 can strengthen their social bonds.
Agood
Correct your spelling
A good
 illustration here, the vast majority of talented
children
 around the world could boost their talent
skills
 because they join their free
time
 with their siblings.
Moreover
,
children
 can learn numerous
skills
 and be well, so they can get along with the external world because they have acquired new concepts from their
parents
.
For example
, in a recent study held in a different part of the world is obvious that most of the
children
 appeared high self-confidence
as a result
 of
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 their free
time
 with their
parents
 and brothers.
On the other hand
, despite the significance of organizing
children
's free
time
 to be among their family, still, others argue the opposite. The critical reason for believing
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
children
 must extend their surroundings to gain new concepts and new cultures .
For instance
, a plethora of gifts have
boost
Wrong verb form
boosted
show examples
 and
grew
Wrong verb form
grown
show examples
 when
children
 join different clubs and share their hobbies when they wide range their relationships globally.
Furthermore
,
children
 may feel tedious when they just stay with their
parents
. To conclude, there are different viewpoints for those who assert the utility of spending free
time
 with their
parents
, while others view that
children
 have to widen their range to gain many
skills
 .I personally,
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
advocate the importance of
children
 spending their free
time
 with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 for its utilities that enhance to boost their cognitive
skills
 .
Submitted by laila.alketani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bonding
  • values and traditions
  • sense of security
  • nurturing environment
  • emotional well-being
  • social interactions
  • interpersonal skills
  • over-dependence
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • balance
  • peers
  • comprehensive development
  • confidence
  • collaboration
  • diverse environments
  • cognitive growth
  • emotional growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: