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Band 6

Some people believe that the widespread use of computers and mobile phones has weakened young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some
people
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 argue that the widespread
use
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 of
computers
Use synonyms
 and mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 has weakened young
people
Use synonyms
's reading and writing abilities. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view because digital
technology
Use synonyms
 provides access to a wider range of reading
materials
Use synonyms
 and creates numerous opportunities for young
people
Use synonyms
 to practise written communication.
Body paragraph 1
I completely disagree with the claim that
computers
Use synonyms
 and mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 have weakened young
people
Use synonyms
's reading abilities. In fact, digital
technology
Use synonyms
 has provided access to a much wider range of reading
materials
Use synonyms
 than was previously available. Students can now read e-books, online newspapers, academic articles and educational websites whenever they need them.
For example
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, a university student can
use
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 a smartphone to read research papers and international news
while
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 travelling or waiting for a class. Because these
materials
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 are readily available, young
people
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 can develop a regular reading habit without depending entirely on printed books.
As a result
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,
technology
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 can contribute to stronger vocabulary and reading comprehension.
Body paragraph 2
Computers
Use synonyms
 and mobile
phones
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 can
also
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 support the development of writing skills because they give young
people
Use synonyms
 frequent opportunities to communicate through written language.
Although
Linking Words
 texting is usually informal, students
also
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 write emails, prepare assignments, participate in online discussions and communicate with teachers through digital platforms.
For instance
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, a student who regularly prepares presentations and submits written assignments online has to organise ideas clearly and
use
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 appropriate vocabulary.
This
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 repeated practice can improve written communication, particularly when young
people
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 receive feedback and correct their mistakes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, widespread
technology
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 does not necessarily weaken writing skills; when used appropriately, it can strengthen them.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I completely disagree that
computers
Use synonyms
 and mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 have weakened young
people
Use synonyms
's reading and writing abilities. They provide access to extensive reading
materials
Use synonyms
 and create numerous opportunities for written communication.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same. To make the answer even stronger, add one short point about the other side. For example, say that too much short text or poor online content can cause harm, but this depends on how phones and computers are used.
task response
Your main ideas are well explained: more reading material and more chances to write. Add a more real and clear example of how a young person gets help or feedback on writing online.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear plan: opening, one part on reading, one part on writing, and an ending. Each part has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more links inside the body parts to show the steps in your idea. For example: 'This means that...', 'In this way...', or 'For this reason...'.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats the main points well. You could make it less like the opening by saying the final result in a new way, rather than using the same words again.
task response
You answer the whole question and give a firm view. Your two reasons match your view and stay on the topic.
task response
The examples of reading on a phone and writing school work online are useful and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is very clear. The reader can follow your answer with ease.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'For example', 'As a result', 'For instance', and 'Therefore' help join your ideas in a natural way.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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