IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that study is important to success; others say that there tis no relation between study and success. Discuss both views. Give your opinion based on your experience

In the contemporary world, everyone has a dream of becoming successful. A few
people
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 argue that
study
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 plays a vital role in terms of
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success
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success,
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while
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 the rest of the civilians believe that
study
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 and
success
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both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are different. In my opinion, I do not think that
study
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 and
success
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 are interrelated to each other. In
this
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 essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 discuss both views with appropriate examples and explanations. On the one
side
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hand
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, the reason behind the importance of
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study
Replace the word
studying
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 in terms of
success
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 is that when
people
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study
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 well, they are likely to
get
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achieve
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success
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. To explain, if a person has some
qualifications
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qualifications,
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then
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 they can easily step into the job market and start working to achieve accomplishment,as they do not have to waste their time in search for
getting
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apply
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knowledge about it.
Hence
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,
people
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 are sure that to become successful
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people
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, people
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 need to
study
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. On the other
side
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hand
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, there are several reasons why
people
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 think that
study
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 and
success
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 are not connected to each other.
Firstly
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, these
people
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 believe that
success
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 totally depends on individual interests. To explain, when an n individual does not have an interest in doing particular
things
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things,
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then
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 these types of
people
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 would not do anything to reach their goals. The
last
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 reason is hard work
, if
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. If
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 an individual has an enormous willingness to do vigorous work
learning
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, learning
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 new things without any graduate or diploma certificates, they become successful as they have the strength to work harder for their goals to accomplish. In conclusion,
study
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 and
success
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 are highly debated topics. I personally believe that to be a successful person does not need any piece of paper-like degree or a graduate certificate
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;
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per
Change preposition
in
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 my
view
Punctuation problem
view,
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 it completely relies on a strong willingness and capability to do much harder chores.
However
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, having
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study
Replace the word
studied
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 knowledge assists
people
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 to
get
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achieve
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success
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 a bit faster.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and give more strong ideas and examples to back it up. Do not repeat points, and use the same idea in different places.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple signs to connect ideas. Keep sentences short. Break long sentences into two parts so it is easy to read.
structure
The essay tries to discuss both sides and ends with an opinion.
organization
There is a clear plan with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence
Some good links like 'On the one side' and 'On the other side' help the flow.
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