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Band 4.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
People
 have to be charged for visiting some
museums
.
Whereas
, others are complementary.
While
 there are some drawbacks associated with paying money for historical
places
, I believe the main benefits are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential disadvantage of visiting
museums
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 free may be inappropriate for poor
people
. These groups find it difficult to purchase tickets
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
entertainment with their family. Another perceived negative is that it has some adverse effects on society.
People
 are not encouraged to visit these significant sites with their families and friends. They are more likely to go to a place which is out of charge.
This
 situation leads to an increasing number of
people
’s unawareness of their countries’ history in the long run. Rising one’s common knowledge is of paramount importance.
On the other hand
, a primary advantage of giving money to entering
museums
 is that it plays a vital role in advancing in preserving these areas in the best way. The cost of sustaining is very high and
people
 should help the government to conserve public
places
 in a suitable way. It can boost the quality of services. From a cultural standpoint, ancient galleries always should be clean and perfect because they are a decisive factor
to attract
Change preposition
in attracting
show examples
 many tourists. A
further
 benefit is that
this
 building will be converted into quiet
places
 and real enthusiasts are more likely to visit these
places
 on a monthly basis, and a vast number of
people
 who are reluctant to go there,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not go, undoubtedly. On balance, it is true that some
museums
 are not free
for entering
Change preposition
to enter
show examples
 would seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances.
However
, in my view, its positive effects in terms of retaining in a perfect way and making
museums
 a calm peaceful area outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by tp_esteghlal on

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task response
The essay addresses the task but the response is not fully developed. It needs more depth and detail to fully explore the advantages and disadvantages of charging admission to museums.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows some attempt at logical structure, but there are issues with the organization of ideas and linking between paragraphs. Work on improving the flow of the essay and use cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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