IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some countries allow older people to work to any age they want.Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #people #work #age
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In some countries,there is no particular
age
Use synonyms
 for retirement and
people
Use synonyms
 can stop working whenever they want.I think the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 approach outweigh the disadvantages and I'll explain them in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, when old
people
Use synonyms
 are forced to stop working at a specific
age
Use synonyms
, they feel their work through all these years is not appreciated.
For instance
Linking Words
, when my grandfather retired he felt like he was not valuable to society anymore and
as a result
Linking Words
,was depressed.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are many
people
Use synonyms
 whose work can not be done by younger
ones
Use synonyms
 because of their lack of passion and experience.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, when there is no
age
Use synonyms
 limit for retirement, there will be fewer job opportunities for younger
ones
Use synonyms
, since a large proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 want to continue working all their lifetime.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, old
people
Use synonyms
 are not physically on the same level as younger
ones
Use synonyms
, which can cause some risks in their workplace because some jobs require good physical conditions.
However
Linking Words
, I think if the economy of a country is good it can provide its citizens with good job opportunities regardless of
their
Change the word
the
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 of the
people
Use synonyms
 and by utilizing older
people
Use synonyms
 in Jobs that are less physically demanding the country would be able to take advantage of the experience of older
ones
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I think the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages since older
people
Use synonyms
 can be hired
in particular
Linking Words
 sectors to use their experience and mental skills,rather than their physical abilities and everyone would benefit.
Submitted by n1ma.mohammadi1376 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: