IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
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There is a discussion held in society regarding the most appropriate way to benefit public
health
Use synonyms
, which concerns the issue of the necessity of contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the number of sports
facilities
Use synonyms
.
To mention
Fix the infinitive
Mention
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, a lot of people dispute whether
such
Linking Words
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 public
health
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 and whether we should consider other instruments. In the following
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will examine the arguments in order to prove that the idea mentioned would be nothing except beneficial. On the one hand, the population of the Earth is considered to be growing.
Thus
Linking Words
, the possibility to use
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 equipment is becoming more and more exclusive and somewhat luxurious because of the lack of balance in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a healthy lifestyle and an actual chance to improve it. The majority of humanity simply is not provided with an accessible way to do sports.
Therefore
Linking Words
, giving the chance to enhance
heath
Correct your spelling
health
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 by installing
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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facilities
Use synonyms
 will increase
the
Change the word
its
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 accessibility of it which means a surge in physical activity of regular citizens.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the decrease in the quality of public
health
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 is the product of many reasons which is in demand
of
Change preposition
apply
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a complex approach.
Besides
Linking Words
, the installation of
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 equipment alone could not contribute as much as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society hopes it to due to the lack of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness of
such
Linking Words
 activities.
Although
Linking Words
, within the program of raising the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
facilities
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 the
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
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 company has to be
fund
Wrong verb form
funded
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. Henceforth, people who weren't aware of the initiative will have the vital information provided. Time and again people are discussing the merits and demerits of the concept
that is
Linking Words
 supposed to benefit public
health
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
installation
Correct article usage
the installation
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 idea is providing
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 accessible way to increase the quality of physical
health
Use synonyms
 as well as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
soar in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public awareness and should be included in nowadays agenda.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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