IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
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It is believed that the level of health of a society can be improved by creating new
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities. I truly support
this
Linking Words
 view and in
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain my beliefs. One of the main disadvantages of increasing the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities in cities is insufficient usage of urban space.
Large
Change the article
A large
The large
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of new buildings might bring other
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 issues.
For example
Linking Words
, to build a brand new
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
, it is required to construct a road and a high
number
Use synonyms
 of parking slots, which can take
extra
Change preposition
up extra
show examples
 land.
Instead
Linking Words
 of new constructions, the space could be used
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 recreational areas, like parks and lakes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
popularization
Correct article usage
the popularization
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
sport
Add an article
the sport
show examples
 by increasing the
number
Use synonyms
 of places where people can do it
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 might have a huge impact on the habits of individuals.
For instance
Linking Words
, having a training studio
instead
Linking Words
 of a fast food restaurant near your house can change the priorities of where to spend evening hours. I support the idea that if there are more possibilities around
to follow
Change the verb form
following
show examples
 healthy routines
instead
Linking Words
 of damaging your health, people are going to choose the former due to common sense. In conclusion, while there are some disadvantages of increasing the
number
Use synonyms
 of sports facilities,
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
alongside
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of infrastructure,
formation
Correct article usage
the formation
show examples
 of healthy habits
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society might be the essential benefit.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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