IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cultures, children are often toldthat they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of given children this message?

There has been a continuous debate on whether it's possible for a country to have a powerful
economy
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 and a clean
environment
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 at the same time. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 goal is achievable
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I shall explain both views and give my reasons for my own point of view. To commence with, there are many
countries
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 that
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besides
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, besides
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 having a clean
environment
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, have a strong
economy
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.
For instance
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, Canada is one of those
countries
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 that has made
a
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apply
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huge progress by
utilizing
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utilising
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 renewable
energy
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 in its factories
instead
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 of other sources of
energy
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 that damage the
environment
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like
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, like
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 fossil fuels. Another example would be the replacement of gasoline engine cars with
electronic
Use the right word
electric
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 cars, which has been made possible
due to
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 the advancements that have been made in technology in recent decades.
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on
Fix capitalization
On
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 the other hand, in
countries
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 like Qatar that are not technologically developed in comparison with European
countries
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, there hasn't been any movement towards using eco-friendly products and
are
Correct pronoun usage
they are
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 usually dependent on their oil, which is primarily used in their factories and
as a result
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, the air pollution is quite high in these
countries
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.
However
Linking Words
, even in
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countries
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In countries
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 where conditions for
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of renewable
energy
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 are not available, the government could concentrate more on other sources to develop its
economy
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like
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, like
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 tourism
,
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apply
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 and agriculture
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instead
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, instead
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 of being solely dependent on fossil fuels like gasoline or oil. In conclusion, a strong
economy
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 and a clean
environment
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 are not
in contrast
Linking Words
 with each other, because technology has a great impact on the usage of eco-friendly products and renewable
energy
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, which are available in many
countries
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.

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structure
Make a clear plan before you write. Put one main idea in each body para and add a short intro and a short conclusion that matches your view.
content
Explain more why each point matters. Give simple reasons and tie them to your view.
grammar
Check your grammar. Use short, simple sentences. Fix run on lines and phrases that are cut off.
cohesion
Use linking words well to show how ideas go together, and fix the order so your ideas flow smoothly.
conclusion
End with a strong close that restates your view and links back to the task.
tone
The essay shows a clear view that the goal can be in reach.
content
Examples are used to back points, like Canada and Qatar.
cohesion
Some linking phrases are used to connect ideas.
structure
The ending restates the idea that economy and environment can go together.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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