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Writing Samples
Band 5

In education or employment, some people work harder than others. What are the reasons for this? Does hard work always lead to success?

#education #employment #people #work #success
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We can observe that a group of
people
Use synonyms
 always
work
Use synonyms
 with great exertion in education life or in employment. I think that working hard is the key to the success, nothing is easy. But it has
also
Linking Words
 the norm, overworking can have some undesirable effects on health. Family can be one of the reasons for overworking because
employee
Add an article
the employee
an employee
show examples
 is the one who can
work
Use synonyms
 and should provide his or her family with the needs of life
such
Linking Words
 as daily food, shelter or study.
This
Linking Words
 situation forces them to
work
Use synonyms
 hard and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
maintain their family life. As the prices go up day by day, it makes
such
Linking Words
 a big deal for
people
Use synonyms
 who provide
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 on their own. Some
people
Use synonyms
 have big
goals
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. In order to reach difficult
goals
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 rapidly, they
work
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 without stopping. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they can climb a ladder fast and attain higher rankings in the
first
Linking Words
 rows. These big
goals
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 can be a
master
Change noun form
master's
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 degree in a well-known university or getting a promotion in their job. The
third
Linking Words
 group of
people
Use synonyms
work
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 harder, simply,
they
Correct word choice
because they
show examples
 have no reason, and they are workaholics. These kinds of
people
Use synonyms
loves
Change the verb form
love
show examples
 their jobs or studies without any reason. As I mentioned before, working hard is the key to the success, but it is not the only factor, in my opinion. You should have a plan and discipline for your
work
Use synonyms
 which will make things affordable.
Additionally
Linking Words
, health is
also
Linking Words
 should be alongside your dreams. Overworking which can ruin your health will not be
worthy
Replace the word
worth
show examples
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 the future, even if you have been successful. In conclusion, hard
work
Use synonyms
 will lead you to a successful milestone if you take care of yourself.
Then
Linking Words
 reaching
goals
Use synonyms
 will let you enjoy
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pikes
Submitted by azermukhtarov1 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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