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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people argue that eating junk food has led to an unhealthy lifestyle. This problem has become more common among young people these days. Do you agree or disagree that junk food is the cause of the issue?

#people #junk #food #lifestyle
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In the present situation,
junk
Use synonyms
 food became part of our life due to our busy lifestyles.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon is exerting adverse impacts not only
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
Add a hyphen
grown-up
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grown up
Add a hyphen
grown-up
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 individuals but
also
Linking Words
 the youngsters. I strongly agree that fast
foods
Use synonyms
 are the culprit of exacerbating
children
Use synonyms
's health. At the outset, it is undeniable the fact that
junk
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foods
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 contain a huge amount of sugar, which is highly dangerous to
children
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 if they excess intaking them. According to the ministry of health, chronic diseases
such
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 as
Correct your spelling
diabetes
diabeties
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diabetes
 stems from having
high
Add an article
a high
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 level of sugar
,
Remove the comma
apply
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and
also
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 can increase the possibility to get heart
Correct your spelling
attacks
attacts
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attacks
 and
raising
Wrong verb form
raise
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 blood pressure.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is safe to say that
children
Use synonyms
's health problems are mainly affected by the overwhelming sugar
intakes
Fix the agreement mistake
intake
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 which
springs
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spring
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 from eating
junk
Use synonyms
foods
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.
This
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 is the
second
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 reason why I am convinced that having unhealthy
foods
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 as a staple diet brings about severe problems
to
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for
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 the young generations. There is no doubt that in the contemporary world,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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obesity
Correct your spelling
among
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 youths
are
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is
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 skyrocketing compared to the past.
A research
Correct article usage
Research
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 conducted by the U.S government presents that
children
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 who are having
junk
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foods
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 rather
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then
Correct your spelling
than
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 healthy home-made meals have increased by 8% and along with that
at
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apply
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the same year,
obesity
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the obesity
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 rate
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among
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 youngsters has raised up to 38% over the past few decades.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they have concluded that there is a strong connection between the type of diet they take and the increasing obesity level. In conclusion, there is no doubt that the young generation's unhealthy lifestyle has a strong link with the
junk
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 diet
which
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to which
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 they are highly exposed
in
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to in
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 their daily lives. I strongly believe that it is by no means unsurmountable if their parents and the governments take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
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 immediately.
Submitted by clara_you on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dietary habits
  • self-control
  • advertising
  • appealing
  • convenience culture
  • fast food
  • obesity rates
  • nutritional education
  • affordability
  • psychological effects
  • well-being
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