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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?

It is a common issue that some
children
Use synonyms
 are raised by
parents
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 through allowing them to get anything they wish for without restriction. But,
according to
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 kinds of literature and
parents
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' experiences,
this
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 method
owns
Verb problem
has
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 far-reaching repercussions.
Thus
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, it will cause many underlying issues,
such
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 as reduced independence and resilience when they grow up. In terms of
parents
Use synonyms
 who provide anything their
children
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 want effortlessly, many experts convey it is wrong. Apparently, will occur, albeit it is expected, some underlying issues.
For instance
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,
children
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 who are never trained to deprive themselves of getting what they want will not learn how to evolve or put in some effort to obtain something.
Consequently
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, they miss the chance to be someone who never gives up.
Therefore
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,
this
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 method is the wrong way of raising
children
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. Concerning the outcome of letting the
children
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 get things effortlessly, it will result in
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a lack of independence and less resilience generation. It makes sense since they are used to getting things quickly, so they don't know there are many ways to get them. In that harrowing journey, too, they will get many life values
such
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 as tolerance, self-reliance, a rugged spirit, and never giving up.
In addition
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 will be people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 do not appreciate what they have.
Hence
Linking Words
, it results in severe drawbacks in their growth. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 who are brought up by
parents
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 give them anything effortless are the incorrect way. So, a lack of independence and less resilience will occur in their adult period.

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coherence/cohesion
Try to enhance the clarity by using more straightforward language and clearer sentence structures.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, which will strengthen your argument and make your ideas clearer.
coherence/cohesion
Work on ensuring a more logical progression of ideas between paragraphs to improve overall coherence.
task achievement
You have identified significant issues that arise from permissive parenting, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
coherence/cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing the main points of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgent
  • entitlement
  • discipline
  • responsibility
  • nurturing
  • self-reliance
  • adversity
  • autonomy
  • validation
  • dependence
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