Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers

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It is often argued that

success

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is about who can make more

money

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On the other hand

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, others believe people achieve their

success

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by contributing to science studies and teaching. The following paragraphs will highlight both views based on my opinion and some relevant examples. First of all, nowadays, social media has pressured individuals to show off their wealth. It has become more common thought that if you have a lot of

money

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, you

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

be a successful person.

However

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, to earn the wanted amount of fortune, there is

needed

Verb problem

apply

show examples

a lot of hard work and sacrifice of many moments with family.

For example

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, medicine is a desire for almost every student that wants to become rich,

although

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, they have to study for a long time, and miss parties and celebrations with friends.

Then

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, when acting in the area, they still have to work many hours, overnights

missing

Wrong verb form

and miss

show examples

special dates.

Therefore

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, even with

money

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, people would not enjoy life.

In addition

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success

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is not related to how much

money

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you have, but to how you enjoy the experience and how you contribute to the world. The contribution to society is essential for life and it brings hope.

For instance

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, scientists have discovered a

way

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to make seawater suitable to drink, it has been tested and would be a

success

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not only for the discovery

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apply

show examples

but

also

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for the future worldwide. For that reason, people should study what they like and contribute in the

way

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they can. In conclusion, in my opinion, making

money

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is not a

way

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to be successful, but the

way

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you contribute and live a healthy and happy life.

Submitted by izabellaveronesi on Thu Sep 22 2022

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task response

The essay addresses both views and provides relevant examples for support, showcasing a clear understanding of the task. However, the response could be more comprehensive by discussing the implications and giving a stronger personal opinion.

coherence and cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is effective, with clear progression between ideas. However, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion more decisive.

lexical resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses relevant examples to support the arguments. However, more varied and precise vocabulary could be utilized to enhance the lexical resource.

grammatical range

The grammatical range is generally strong, with varied sentence structures and effective use of complex sentences. However, some errors in verb tense and word choice are present, affecting the overall fluency and accuracy.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial prosperity
capitalizing
luxury travel
exclusive experiences
contributions to society
humanitarian workers
lasting impact
highly subjective
cultural, societal, and personal values
comfort and security
deeper personal satisfaction
holistic understanding

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