Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
It is often argued that
success
is about who can make more money
. On the other hand
, others believe people achieve their success
by contributing to science studies and teaching. The following paragraphs will highlight both views based on my opinion and some relevant examples.
First of all, nowadays, social media has pressured individuals to show off their wealth. It has become more common thought that if you have a lot of money
, you would
be a successful person. Wrong verb form
will
However
, to earn the wanted amount of fortune, there is needed
a lot of hard work and sacrifice of many moments with family. Verb problem
apply
For example
, medicine is a desire for almost every student that wants to become rich, although
, they have to study for a long time, and miss parties and celebrations with friends. Then
, when acting in the area, they still have to work many hours, overnights missing
special dates. Wrong verb form
and miss
Therefore
, even with money
, people would not enjoy life.
In addition
, success
is not related to how much money
you have, but to how you enjoy the experience and how you contribute to the world. The contribution to society is essential for life and it brings hope. For instance
, scientists have discovered a way
to make seawater suitable to drink, it has been tested and would be a success
not only for the discovery,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
for the future worldwide. For that reason, people should study what they like and contribute in the way
they can.
In conclusion, in my opinion, making money
is not a way
to be successful, but the way
you contribute and live a healthy and happy life.Submitted by izabellaveronesi on
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task response
The essay addresses both views and provides relevant examples for support, showcasing a clear understanding of the task. However, the response could be more comprehensive by discussing the implications and giving a stronger personal opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is effective, with clear progression between ideas. However, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion more decisive.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses relevant examples to support the arguments. However, more varied and precise vocabulary could be utilized to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is generally strong, with varied sentence structures and effective use of complex sentences. However, some errors in verb tense and word choice are present, affecting the overall fluency and accuracy.
