IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Space research costs billions of dollars. Some people think that the money should be invested on more practical projects here on th earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
money
Use synonyms
 used in
space
Use synonyms
 research can
invest
Wrong verb form
be invested
show examples
 in more beneficial projects. There are others who firmly argue that exploring
space
Use synonyms
 is more important for the
world
Use synonyms
. Mankind
always
Verb problem
has always
show examples
 had a big interest the
space
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, they have been developing many aircraft and robots to understand the concept. I partly agree with the idea. I will explain that we can reduce the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 which is required for exploring.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in the
world
Use synonyms
 today
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 are very eager to live in
space
Use synonyms
 because of
circumstances
Correct article usage
the circumstances
show examples
 we face on the earth
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as climate change and war. It helps to figure out not only the
world
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 the
space
Use synonyms
. After
Fix capitalization
World War
show examples
world
Use synonyms
 war
second,
Linking Words
many scientists and governments tried to find a convenient way to set off to
space
Use synonyms
 but especially to the moon.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
these all
Correct word order
all these
show examples
 efforts turned out
a
Verb problem
to be a
show examples
big notion for them
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as race.
Then
Linking Words
 they had to meet the needs with extra investments
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 require billions of dollars.
However
Linking Words
,
Building
Fix capitalization
building
show examples
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a new
space
Use synonyms
 rocket
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
extra resources
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are allocated by the government. As we are exploring
space
Use synonyms
, we don’t even know under the oceans of the
world
Use synonyms
. Some areas and species which may be important for us are not explored by
people
Use synonyms
, so the
money
Use synonyms
 can be used on cancer remedy projects. Humanity can try to develop effective strategies to manage it, so
money
Use synonyms
 is a main contributing factor to it.
In addition
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 can provide a solution
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a lot of poor countries to foster their
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there is a thin line between the allocated
money
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is important because some of the problems are more serious than
space
Use synonyms
 research
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 that perception doesn’t happen overnight.
Although
Linking Words
 the government has to invest in mandatory areas, we have to take
account into
Correct word order
into account
show examples
 the advantages of
space
Use synonyms
 exploration.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your view clear in the opening statement. Say if you agree or not and how much. Then keep to that line all through the essay.
structure
Use fewer new ideas in each part and push one idea with a bit of proof. End with a short clear conclusion.
content relevance
You show a view that funds for space may be less, to help on earth.
context
Some idea are linked to history, like why people want to go to space.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: