IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people these days travel far for work or spend more hours working. Does this trend have more advantages or disadvantages? What do you think about work-life balance?

#people #travel #work #hours #trend #work-life #balance
In the present circumstance, numerous individuals have a tendency to depart
further
 from their job or work for a longer period of
time
. From my perspective, I strongly believe that the downsides of
this
 phenomenon outweigh the benefits, as it threats the work-life balance.
This
 essay will discuss the drawbacks of the workaholic as well as the significant meaning of work-life balance. On the one hand, working extensively or moving farther for assignments means people will consume more of their
time
 for their occupation.
First
 and foremost, by spending extended
time
 at the office, employees would not have spare
time
 for their mental and physical health. To illustrate, numerous students in Viet Nam are suffering from pressure and anxiety due to overworking and overstudying as they can't arrange their
time
 schedule properly.
Second
, occupied
parents
 would not be able to look after their children when they need to travel longer for work.
Consequently
, their kids will lack
Correct pronoun usage
their parents's
show examples
parents's
Remove the s
parents'
show examples
 attention, which might lead to adolescent feelings.
On the other hand
, work-life balance plays a crucial role in human life as well as health. For one thing, a balanced schedule means employers will have the opportunity to relieve their stress and pressure.
As a result
, it boosts and improves workers' productivity.
Furthermore
, by having sufficient
time
 funds, people can spend more
time
 with their family and social activities.
For instance
,
parents
 can take children to amusement parks or entertainment complexes in their leisure
time
.
Therefore
, the bond between
parents
 and kids will be as strong as possible. In conclusion, I don't recommend individuals to spend more
time
 on their occupation, as it might lead to an imbalanced life and in order to maintain mental as well as physical health, employees should arrange their schedule properly.
Submitted by sadohpv4 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: