Some people says that music is a good way of bringing people of different culturs and ages to gather. What to extend do you agree or disagree.

#people #music #culturs #ages

Music

is a great context

Change preposition

for

show examples

getting together various

type

Fix the agreement mistake

types

show examples

humans

naturally.

Humans

having

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

from different ages,

culture

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cultures

show examples

gender

Correct word choice

and gender

show examples

are able to come together in order to

listen

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tolisten

show examples

music

agree

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onagree

toagree

withagree

show examples

this

idea strongly...Two basic

factor

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factors

show examples

push me to think like

this

.One of them is international

music

festivals

.At the time of international

festivals

all around the world,

large

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a large

the large

show examples

number of

person

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people

show examples

are collected

one

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from one

show examples

center

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centre

show examples

Secondly

even

humans

Correct word choice

though humans

show examples

do not share

same

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the same

show examples

place, with

music

they can share

Correct your spelling

similar

similiar

Correct your spelling

similar

feelings and thoughts. Each year , especially developed countries are organized international

music

festivals

.Thank

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apply

show examples

these

festivals

persons

Replace the word

people

show examples

those

loving

Replace the word

love

show examples

music

are eager to attend these

festivals

. Each festival has

spesific

Correct your spelling

specific

topic

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topics

show examples

and

concept

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concepts

show examples

such

as love,

peace

Correct word choice

and peace

show examples

in order to attract potential

joiner

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joiners

show examples

.Those attending

Correct article usage

the festival

show examples

festival

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festivals

show examples

not only

listen

Add the preposition

tolisten

show examples

music

at the same time, they consider over festival topic and concept.

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For

show examples

example, in my

village

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,village

show examples

the natives are

organized

Wrong verb form

organising

show examples

music

festival for supporting

village

Correct article usage

the village

show examples

peaceful atmosphere. And some

investigation

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investigations

show examples

are done by

scientist

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scientists

show examples

over

this

music

festival.Survey

show

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shows

show examples

us, with the commence of

this

festival, the rate of

turists

Correct your spelling

tourists

are on the

raise

Correct your spelling

rise

show examples

.So, it is fact that

music

festivals

help us to

collecting

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collect

show examples

people around

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

some

Correct your spelling

same

show examples

direction. Nowadays, especially teenagers are addicted to

Change the verb form

listening

show examples

listen

Add the preposition

tolisten

show examples

music

Change preposition

show examples

online

Add an article

an online

the online

show examples

platform

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platforms

show examples

such

as youtube,

spotify

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Spotify

show examples

vimeo

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Vimeo

show examples

... These platforms are

great

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a great

show examples

way

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ways

show examples

to express

humans

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humans'

human's

show examples

arts,

talents

Correct word choice

and talents

show examples

. In the old times, only

limited

Correct article usage

a limited

show examples

number of

sellection

Correct your spelling

selection

humans

had to offer their skills.But today

fourtunetly

Correct your spelling

fortunately

, via these tools

humans

express their feelings and ideas throughout

music

Add an article

the music

show examples

. Even

Correct article usage

the producer

show examples

producer

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producers

show examples

can take feedback from

Add an article

a listener

show examples

listener

Fix the agreement mistake

listeners

show examples

from

Correct article usage

the commend

show examples

commend

Correct your spelling

comment

show examples

section.It is amazing

opportunities

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opportunity

show examples

Correct your spelling

create

show examples

creat bound

Correct your spelling

create bond

show examples

among listeners and

producer

Fix the agreement mistake

producers

show examples

. As

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

rolls

Change the verb form

roll

show examples

on, some

Change preposition

apply

show examples

producers

Add an article

the producers

show examples

may transform

popular

Add an article

a popular

show examples

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

and it

results

Add the preposition

inresults

fromresults

show examples

enthusiasm of listeners. Those listening same person ,

ecole

Change the capitalization

Ecole

show examples

or group

Correct your spelling

create

show examples

creat

Correct your spelling

create

show examples

fun club on social media. By fun club,

Add an article

show examples

strong connection is created among to attender. As a

Correct your spelling

result

resut

Correct your spelling

result

ıt

Correct your spelling

is clear that

music

has

powerful

Add an article

a powerful

show examples

instrument to connect

humans

each

Change preposition

to each

show examples

other.

Festivals

and social media, both of them play

significant

Add an article

a significant

show examples

role

Fix the agreement mistake

roles

show examples

to get

humans

together...

Submitted by 0beyzakaplan on Fri Sep 23 2022

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
83Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

341 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people says that music is a good way of bringing people of different culturs and ages to gather. What to extend do you agree or disagree.

Fully explain your ideas

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that mobile phones and other electronic devices have no places in the classroom. To what extent you agree or disagree?