IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In some parts of the world,
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 stay with their families
while
Linking Words
 they pursue their studies,
whereas
Linking Words
 in other places,
students
Use synonyms
 relocate to another city for
university
Use synonyms
. Both choices have advantages and drawbacks. I believe that the benefits of living independently during
university
Use synonyms
 outweigh the downside, as it fosters essential
skills
Use synonyms
 and independence. First and foremost, one of the benefits of living away from home is the opportunity for increased independence and responsibility, which can lead to future living. Without family nearby,
students
Use synonyms
 must take care of their daily tasks
such
Linking Words
 as managing their time, cooking and budgeting their money.
For instance
Linking Words
, young adults who live in dorms or shared apartments handle chores like paying bills and preparing meals on their own because no adults will help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
take care of the tasks.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these responsibilities help them develop valuable
skills
Use synonyms
 that can improve self-independence and prepare them for adulthood.
As a result
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who live independently gain practical
skills
Use synonyms
 that they will need throughout their lives.
Secondly
Linking Words
, another advantage of living in a different city is the chance to experience a new environment and meet different people. Moving to a new place exposes young people to different cultures, ideas, and ways of thinking which will help them become more open-minded.
For example
Linking Words
, peers in big cities or study abroad programs meet people from various backgrounds and try new activities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these experiences help
students
Use synonyms
 to become more adaptable and understanding of other cultures, which are useful in today’s diverse world. In conclusion, living away from their parents helps
students
Use synonyms
 become more independent and open-minded, despite challenges.
Although
Linking Words
 living at home has certain benefits, the growth and
skills
Use synonyms
 gained from living alone make moving out a more valuable experience for
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by caroot on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider using transitions between paragraphs to enhance flow.
task achievement
Make sure each paragraph fully explores the main point with more depth or examples, if possible.
task achievement
Your essay clearly introduces the topic and presents a balanced view.
task achievement
You provide well-reasoned arguments with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The structure is logical, and it flows well from introduction to conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: