IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people these days travel far for work or spend more hours working. Does this trend have more advantages or disadvantages? What do you think about work-life balance?

#people #travel #work #hours #trend #work-life #balance
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Nowadays the economic circumstances forced many people to travel far from their cities and towns for
work
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. While some would argue that it has become a reality and we should deal with it, I do believe that the disadvantages of
this
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 issue outweigh the advantages,
thus
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 it causes failure to achieve
work
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-life balance. On one hand,
Correct your spelling
employees
employers
employeers
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employees
 who spend more
time
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 from their homes to their
work
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 without getting any extra payment or
compension
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compensation
 for it.
As a
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result
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,result
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 they would not take care enough of their families or have a suitable rest to refresh their minds and restore their ability to
work
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.
Hence
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, it affects negatively on
work
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 in many aspects,
firstly
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, when workers feel unsatisfied about their jobs, they would not be active and creative at
work
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,
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secondly
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,secondly
show examples
 the more
time
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 they spend in the routine
work
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 the less they product,
for
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example
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,example
show examples
companis
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companies
 which count
worke
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work
 incentives by the outcomes would figure out that the long hours would not help as much as the short ones, because workers do the best to
acheive
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achieve
 the target
On the other hand
Linking Words
, governments should consider
this
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 problem and seek solution cause the defect on
work
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-life balance is dangerous to individuals and the community,
for
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instance
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,instance
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 one of the most dangerous
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disadvantages
disadvanages
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disadvantages
 can be shown clearly when parents spend less
time
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raise
Wrong verb form
raising
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 and
teach
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teaching
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 their children, the future generation would be in danger.
However
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, schools have
role
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a role
show examples
 to play but it is not the same
of
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as
show examples
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
parents
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parents'
parent's
show examples
 role.
Furthermore
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, achieving the balance between life and
work
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 would serve them both, so governments should cover more
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
Correct your spelling
opportunities
opportunites
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opportunities
 in all cities and towns to make their people
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not have to travel to seek
work
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. In conclusion,
although
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, the economic theory
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
justifies spending more
time
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
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 or
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travelling
travling
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travelling
 so far for
work
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, I support the view says that the
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disadvantages
disavanatges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by abdoo.magicoo on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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