IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sports #effect #education #teenagers
People have contradictory opinions about the impact of competitive sports on teenagers. Arguments on both sides of the matter are understandable, but From my perspective, the benefits totally outweigh the downsides. It is an inescapable fact that playing sports guarantees the mental and physical well-being of youngsters. adolescence is a challenging period, which is commonly associated with delinquency, stubbornness, breaking the rules, and falling into dangerous habits
such
 as smoking. Most experts and psychologists argue that exercise combined with competition is a healthy, and constructional activity for young adults to release all of their energy in a decent way, and not
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 self-destruction. To exemplify, playing football results in a higher level of general health, stronger social skills and teamwork capacity,
superb
Correct word choice
and superb
show examples
 stress and time management. All the mentioned effects increase the flexibility and adaptability of
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
;
therefore
, teens can perform more efficiently in future studies and work.
On the contrary
, a group of people tend to be oblivious
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all the advantageous aspects of competition-oriented athletics. One of the possible reasons for
such
Add an article
the such
a such
show examples
view
Correct article usage
a view
show examples
 is the stress and pressure caused by the fear of defeat and failure. There are numerous cases of athletes getting short-tempered, and crushed by anxiety
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 upcoming matches.
Also
, competition brings perfectionism and lower self-satisfaction due to the fact that sportsmen constantly compare their own performance and abilities with other contestants. Undeniably,
such
 emotional and mental pressures are unpleasant and disturbing for both youngsters and their parents, but I suppose
such
 issues are easily solvable. The only requirement is sophisticated mentors to properly supervise and train adolescent athletes. If that happens, all the stress will fade away, and young adults will find much joy in competing with one another. To conclude, the advantages of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 rivalry are too significant to be neglected, especially for the energetic soul and body of teens. Those who oppose
such
 activities for adolescents have rather understandable issues, which should be dealt with.
Submitted by frishta.nz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: