IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #business #company #organization #reason
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Nowadays starting their personal
business
Use synonyms
 is
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
some
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by some
show examples
people
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 rather than working for some companies.
Although
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,
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apply
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 working as an employee for someone is
desirable
Add an article
a desirable
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 option, I personally reckon that having own
business
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 is a great idea and its benefits
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outhweight
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outweigh
 the ones
for
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of
show examples
 working for the organizations. From the beginning of the
capitalism
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capitalist
show examples
 era, the term "entrepreneurship" gained
a
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apply
show examples
great popularity and most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 started to build their own businesses to obtain
the
Correct article usage
a
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 great amount of money. After that, they saw that the more they work as an entrepreneur the more they have
a
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apply
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great amount of spare time.
For example
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, the businessmen
such
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 as Jeff Bezos once built "Amazon" and now he is the richest man in the whole world;
therefore
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,
these kind
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this kind
these kinds
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 of stories give a motivation for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 who want to build their own
business
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 empires.
On the other hand
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, working for someone is a challenging way the
people
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 choose for themselves and
this
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 costs them
in
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for
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 a lifelong period. As an employee,
for instance
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,
they
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apply
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have to obey the rules that managers
gives
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give
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, their time directed in a way that their boss
want
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wants
show examples
 and for doing
these
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this
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, the money that they are having does not meet their demands. And
as a result
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, they suffer from
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lack of motivation
,
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apply
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 and
having
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have
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 debts for solving the problems
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
leads
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lead
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 them to be more
stressful
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stressed
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 and anxious. In conclusion,
business
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 owners acquire wealth for widening their branches of businesses and outweigh the demerits that employees have when working for the company,
hence
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 in my point of view cases
such
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 as starting own businesses will be skyrocketed.
Submitted by azermukhtarov1 on

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