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Band 4

Many school children today take part in work experience sessions for short periods of time instead of attending school is this a positive or a negative development

#school #children #part #work #sessions #periods #time #development
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Nowadays it is becoming a trend to study and
work
Use synonyms
 together. Many educational institutions are a job within
studies
Use synonyms
.
Further
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, most school students are
taking involvement
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in sessions on
work
Use synonyms
-related guidelines regardless of their main purpose of attending the school. In
this
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 essay, both pros and cons will be discussed in the following subsequent paragraphs with relevant examples.
To begin
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 with, in
this
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 era of
competition
Add a comma
competition,
show examples
 everyone is very ambitious about his or her career.
This
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 point leads to doing
work
Use synonyms
 and studying at the same
time
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.
Furthermore
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,
taking
Verb problem
gaining
show examples
 experience during
studies
Use synonyms
 helps a lot
to find
Change preposition
in finding
show examples
 the best occupation.
For instance
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, many students of computer sciences have started internships in software houses
while
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 their coursework is not completed yet.
In addition
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,
this
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 experience plays an important role when they go to a company for an interview.
On the other hand
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, there are many problems that some children are faced by doing
work
Use synonyms
 and
studies
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 side by side.
Furthermore
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, it is not an easy task to manage both
work
Use synonyms
 and
studies
Use synonyms
 at the same
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, many students gained
low-grade
Correct your spelling
low grade
show examples
 points average
duty
Correct your spelling
due
show examples
 to spending more
time
Use synonyms
 in companies.
Therefore
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, they
fell
Wrong verb form
fall
show examples
 into depression, which affects their health
as well as
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 their learning process. In a nutshell, there is no doubt to take
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
 in the implementation of learning in professional life at the
time
Use synonyms
 of university, but it has many advantages
along with
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 disadvantages. So, a person should complete their
studies
Use synonyms
 and
then
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 focus on finding a workplace.
Submitted by maryamakram976 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is well-developed and follows a clear structure with proper topic sentences and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Add a stronger introduction with a clear thesis statement and a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on each point to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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