Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the current situation, some

people

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assert that

people

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with significant wealth are the most outstanding,

while

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others claim that

people

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who contribute to society are

also

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remarkable. In my opinion, both perspectives are reasonable to some extent. The essay will discuss 2 opinions and state the writer's viewpoint. On the one hand, the world is becoming materialistic in recent years. For one thing, individuals have a tendency to place money and fortune above other things. As the community concentrates only on wealth and prosperity, billionaires are considered successful individuals in society.

In addition

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, famous individuals,

such

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as celebrities or well-known businessmen, often appear to be generous and luxurious.

This

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phenomenon creates an expectation in

people

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's minds that those

people

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are an ideal symbol of success.

On the other hand

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, scientists and lecturers

also

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play a crucial role in the current circumstances. First and foremost, teachers provide education for children, who will be the

owner

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owners

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of the future world. Without a teacher's guidance, ordinary kids will be able to learn literacy and numeracy skills.

Consequently

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, they would not have the capability to complete any tasks or assignments.

Second,

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scientists are the ones who drive the innovation of humankind. Discovering and fabricating new products,

such

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as new medicines, and materials can change the whole industry. To illustrate, the research and manufacturing of the COVID-19 vaccine have saved numerous residents from being infected. In conclusion, I believe that determining

people

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who are successful requires a lot of consideration. It must be based on the observer's viewpoint and

also

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surrounding factors.

However

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, I recommend both types of

people

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, regardless of any discipline, should unite together to support the development of mankind.

sadohpv4Sun Sep 25 2022

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Introduction & Conclusion

While your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, the introduction could be enhanced by providing a clearer thesis statement. The conclusion successfully restates your views but needs to summarize the main points discussed more succinctly to reinforce your argument. Ensure that both are directly addressing the task prompt.

Paragraphing & Linking

Your essay demonstrates a cohesive structure, but the development of paragraphs could be improved. Aim to have a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and more varied transitions and connectors to guide the reader through your ideas smoothly.

Task Response

Your essay addresses the task, includes relevant ideas, and presents examples. However, the examples used could be more specific and directly linked to the argument you are making. Additionally, ensure that there is a clear position throughout the entire essay, which was somewhat unclear at times.

Lexical Resource

There is room for improvement in your use of vocabulary. Aim for precision and variety in your choice of words, and avoid repetition. Use synonyms and less common vocabulary to demonstrate a wider lexical range.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Your essay exhibits a reasonable range of grammatical structures, yet there are occasional errors that can sometimes cause confusion. To achieve a higher score, practice using a variety of complex sentence structures and ensure correct punctuation and agreement.

9
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

278 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial prosperity
capitalizing
luxury travel
exclusive experiences
contributions to society
humanitarian workers
lasting impact
highly subjective
cultural, societal, and personal values
comfort and security
deeper personal satisfaction
holistic understanding

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Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five cities in Australia

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, prefer to take risks and think that change is a positive thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

some people believe that it is good to shere as much information as possible in scintific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, most countries improve the standard of living through economic development. But some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of the phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages.

Although families have influence on a children’s development, factors outside the home play a bigger part in their lives nowadays. To what extent do you agree or disagree?