IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people prefer to go to gym and clubs for health care but others say walking and jumping stairs are more effective. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Unquestionably, every coin has two sides and so are the people. The population of society is divided into two groups and
therefore
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, the exercise method has become a topic of debate among them. It is believed by
some
Capitalize word
Some
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 experts that gyms and clubs are best for health care whilst others think that walking and jumping stairs are more effective.
This
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 essay will compare and contrast both of the opinions
along with
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 my opinion which is in favour of the latter view which will be discussed in a sensible conclusion. Initiating with the points supporting the first school of thought,
firstly
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, fitness centres have trainers who can assist and provide guidance to everyone.
Also
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, they ensure that each member is doing the correct exercise. To illustrate it, many mentors give them diet plans that
further
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 help them to maintain their body weight.
Secondly
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, It involves cost and a schedule.
Consequently
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, one has to fix their routine and manage their funds in order to join these institutes. On the contrasting side, people who
held
Wrong verb form
hold
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 another viewpoint say that walking is a too easy and convenient method for all generations.
In other words
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, these are more flexible ways to do physical activities and these can be performed at their own convenience.
Furthermore
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, it saves money as it is free and does not include any cost. To cite an example, many families prefer brisk walking to burn their calories
due to
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 a lack of financial resources and time.
To conclude
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, I would like to reiterate that there are both views
although
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 each one has the same benefits yet if I consider it logically
then
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 in my opinion, the second view is more powerful.
However
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, it will totally depend upon the mindsets of the users and which view they are favouring.

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic and that the main points are clearly supported with relevant examples and reasoning.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and between sentences, ensuring that the essay flows logically and coherently.
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