Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities. Other believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #school #life

There is no denying

fact

Correct article usage

the fact

show examples

that every coin has two sides and so are the people. The population of society is divided into two groups and

therefore

, in recent times, children

are having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

fewer responsibilities than in earlier times. It is

also

has become a topic of debate among the public. Some are in view that it is a positive modification whilst others consider it a negative change.

This

essay will compare and contrast both of the opinions

along with

my opinion which will be discussed in a sensible conclusion. Initiating with the points supporting the first school of thought,

firstly

, kids who

are having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

only a few responsibilities towards their home can concentrate better on their academic goals.

Consequently

this

will help them in fulfilling their professional aims as well. To cite an instance, it is evident that, those who are not performing household chores are able to secure the highest marks in school.

Secondly

, It will give more time to the youth to pay attention to other interests too

such

as, games and music.

Asa

Correct your spelling

As a

show examples

result, teenagers get adequate hours to follow their passion. On

its

Change the word

the

show examples

contrasting side, people who

held

Wrong verb form

hold

show examples

another viewpoint say that no onus to them will make them dependent on their parents.

In other words

, if their duties are not set in advance

then

they will not be able to make the corrective decision by themselves. To exemplify it, In the pristine world, every person is capable of doing their own work,

however

, nowadays each one is dependent on some instrument like machines to complete their work.

Additionally

, it encourages their participation in tasks which are harmful to society like gambling and illegal activities.

To conclude

, I would like to reiterate that there are both benefits and harmful effects of it,

however

, if I consider it logically

then

in my opinion, neither its positives can be neglected nor its negatives. It is a mixed bag of opportunities and ill effects.

Also

, it will depend upon the mindsets of the individuals

that

Correct word choice

and

show examples

which view they are in favour of.

Submitted by kuljeetkaur19941 on Mon Sep 26 2022

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Task Response

Improve the articulation of arguments to provide a more complete response to the prompt. Ensure that examples are directly relevant to the main points.

Coherence and Cohesion

Create a more logical structure in the essay by connecting ideas within and between paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to improve cohesion and coherence.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

344 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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