IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Countries spends large amount of money on sports competitions. Do you think the advantages outweight the disadvantages.

#countries #amount #money #sports #competitions #outweight
Spending money on
sports
competitions
 by
countries
 increased
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it has positive and negative sides
however
 the
advantages
 have a strong influence on the drawbacks.
To begin
 with
advantages
,
sports
 competition spread in the world
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
people
's
sports
 culture improve by the event.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
people
 who do sport can be shown to increase. Due to
this
 rise, the person who is
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier than now
able
Add a missing verb
is able
show examples
 to reveal in a few years. Harmful substance use may be decreased by an addicted person.
Instead
 of bad habits, they prefer to do
sports
 or watch
sports
competitions
. In
addıtıon
Correct your spelling
addition
 organizing
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
sport
Add a comma
,sport
show examples
competitions
 contribute importantly to the country's economy. Because tourists come from different nationalities to watch and attend.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 it has some drawbacks. Due to huge
sports
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
such
 as UEFA, the city could be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crowded advent of tourists. Some transportation and accommodation problems could occur. Unless government cope with these problems, disturbing situations probably emerge in terms of the community.
Finally
, it affects rivalry among
countries
. The downside of
this
 is that
people
 can be racist against each other. ,
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 they are so big fanatic that it could damage to surroundings. In conclusion,
countries
 should allocate a budget for
sports
 activities.
Although
 there are
advantages
 and disadvantages,
advantages
 are considerable for
countries
 and
people
. Government should take action about disadvantages and arrange
competitions
 in various
sports
 branches.
Submitted by canangul05 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: