IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyles of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #habits #lifestyles #children #generations #people #effect #health
For multiple decades, the way of living and the food consumption of children have considerably changed compared to the previous years. The general public assumes that the current lifestyle of young people will have an impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their health. While some people think that, the present healthcare service
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our society is so much advanced that it can prevent any disease from the new habits of youngsters. Each side has valid reasons to support their arguments,
however
, I strongly believe that overall children’s lifestyles affect their physical metabolism.
To begin
 with, the different nutritional disease rates in underage individuals have dramatically soared throughout several years. These illnesses
such
 as obesity, diabetes or
also
 eating disorders are becoming more common among youngsters. It is especially due to the way they feed themselves with junk food. The wrong nutritional behaviour of young persons can be a large issue for them in their following life because at their age range it is the time where their body strengthens for all their life.
In addition
 to that, the physical activity of children is significantly lower than in the past.
This
 issue is probably due to the advent of indoor leisure
such
 as video games. Currently, underage people prefer to spend their spare time behind a screen rather than do
sporting
Add an article
a sporting
the sporting
show examples
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
,
this
 fact affects considerably their health.
Thus
, youngsters lead undoubtedly a lifestyle of unhealthy habits. They need to change their way of life with a better diet and a large variety of authentic food to get proper nutrients
such
 as vitamins and fibres.
Besides
, they should do daily exercise and an active routine with some sporting activities.
Submitted by apernot197 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: