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Band 5.5

In some countries it is illegal to refuse people applying for jobs because of their age. Is it a positive or a negative development, in your opinion?

#countries #people #jobs #age #development
Nowadays , the aged persons rejected from many
jobs
 because of their age
peoblems
Correct your spelling
problems
 .
Therefore
 , in some
states
Add a comma
,states
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 job
Correct your spelling
opportunities
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for
older
Add an article
the older
an older
show examples
 nation are considered a crime .it affect positively and negatively on a
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
 economy .I will partially
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
 statement . To start with ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mature persons have
denied
Add a missing verb
been denied
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employment because of their health issues. To
ellaborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
, elder
inviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 have less stamina to
done
Change the form of the verb
do
show examples
 their duty for long hours .
Moreover
, they have less
Correct your spelling
manpower
show examples
man power
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manpower
show examples
 for hard labour
jobs
 . They face issues like hypertension , diabetes and joint pain in their duty .
Secondly
 , senior people
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 know about the advancement
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology . To
illuatrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
, the machinery is updated after several years . the aged group know about ancient knowledge on that priority they reject from many
jobs
 .
For instance
 , according to the report published by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Economics only 10%
matures
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of matures
show examples
 get
Add an article
a job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in America after passing their fitness test .
On the other hand
 , senior personalities have more
experienced
Replace the word
experience
show examples
 than
younger
Correct pronoun usage
onesyounger
show examples
 .To illustrate ,the aged solve many problems for their company on their maturity . They
done
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 their duty with passion because they know how to overcome
on
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apply
show examples
disasters
happen
Correct pronoun usage
that happen
show examples
 in life .
Moreover
 , they have many
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their family .
Similarly
 , older people
also
 play
hard
Add an article
a hard
show examples
 role in one's
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 prosperity . They apply for
jobs
 because they earn bread and butter for
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 family .Mostly, ancient
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 apply for
jobs
 because
they
Add a verb
arethey
werethey
show examples
 eager to overcome
inflation
Correct article usage
the inflation
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days . It can be concluded that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
denying many
inviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
jobs
 on age priority is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illegal way in some countries . the older face lack of fitness and knowledge While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they are well experienced and tackle many
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
.
Submitted by hussas614 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • equal opportunities
  • diverse work environment
  • innovative solutions
  • valuable experience
  • employment rate
  • merit-based hiring
  • qualifications
  • inclusivity
  • respect
  • age groups
  • adapt to new technologies
  • training and support
What to do next:
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