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Band 6

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #think #government #responsibility
Young people today are often reprimanded by their
parents
 for living a passive lifestyle. In my country,
for example
, young
children
Add the comma(s)
, in particular,
show examples
in particular
 are criticized for spending too long interacting with technology rather than being outside playing sports, climbing trees and doing all the other activities their
parents
 claim they enjoyed as
children
. To what extent are these comments deserved? On the surface, they would appear justified. There is a whole industry that encourages
children
 to lead a sedentary lifestyle,
for example
 sitting in front of a PC or games console. Dedicated satellite or cable TV channels for young people offer the chance to sit idly watching one programme after the
next
, often repeats of something that was on the day or week before.
However
, it can
also
 be argued that young people are adapting to the society they live in, a completely different place to the world their
parents
 grew up in.
Firstly
, the roads today are far busier than they were in the past, which makes it very difficult for
children
 to play outside.
Secondly
,
children
 are often restricted from being outside by
parents
 who have become overly concerned about dangers they imagine exist outside their four walls.
Finally
, it has to be said that many
parents
 use the technology they complain about as a way of keeping young
children
 occupied. I think
children
 today are less active and that it is something we should be concerned about.
However
, it is wrong to put the blame on technology.
Children
 should be encouraged more to take up sports at school and
parents
 should be more willing to support their
children
 in exploring the outside world.
Submitted by atescagdas826 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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