IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

some people believe that advances in technology designed to reduce crime,such as closed circuit television systems,invade the personal privacy of innocent people.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #advances #technology #crime #circuit #television #systems #privacy
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Undoubtedly, the closed
circuit
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 television system is increasingly used by
people
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 all over the world because it has many advantages
such
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 as monitoring their home and they can check their accommodation when they are somewhere far away, while some
people
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 believe that these
systems
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 decrease personal privacy. In my opinion, I agree with the former view, and the reason to support my agreement will be discussed in detail.
To begin
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 with, closed
circuit
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 television
systems
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, for some
people
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 is vital because it makes
people
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 feel uncomfortable like they have someone keep an eye on them all the time means decreasing their privacy
for example
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 when you are doing your work but your family is checking the
camera
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, you will feel uncomfortable to do your work.
However
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, there are some advantages of closed
circuit
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 television
systems
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,
first
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 of all, it helps
people
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 to protect their accommodation because the
systems
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 can record everything which is happening in the place if one day your things had stolen, you would be rewatched the situation in that day by
this
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camera
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 or when you have a car accident
this
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camera
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 will record the situation and it can be the best evidence to help you in court.
Moreover
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, the
systems
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 can help
people
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 who live far away check their homes. To illustrate, they can see what is happening in their house "does anyone go into their house?" "Is everything all right?" In conclusion, even though closed
circuit
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camera
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systems
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 have some disadvantages as I had given above but it still has some advantages which are great benefits for
people
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's living nowadays.
Submitted by pramai177 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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