Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have a greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is an argument that
mothers
have a more significant role in nurturing their children
or fathers
Correct word choice
that fathers
also
can play similar roles. From my perspective, although
both parents should contribute to training offspring, females lead kids’ upbringing.
First of all, nobody can ignore the traditional role of women in the development of children
. Indeed, mothers
have more attachments to their kids. In other words
, they carry children
in their bellies and nurture them in their bodies, then
they spend a lot of time milking them after their birth. They are committed to teaching their kids regarding values of life and supporting them to define and achieve their targets. Even gender imbalance of responsibility in raising children
is obvious in most of the animals. Although
there are some exceptions in this
regard, most females take care of the offspring.
Furthermore
, women are more focused on their parental duties, since in most human communities men have more responsibilities in society . Therefore
, fathers cannot spend enough quality time with their children
. Needless to mention, even employed women also
have enough concentration on their jobs as mothers
. Because they have multi-task characteristics which enable them to provide equal attention to both activities .For instance
, my mother was a nurse who could nurture six children
. She assisted them to be successful and beneficial individuals for the society. I can remember my father’s busy schedule did not allow him to contribute to the kids’ upbringing.
In a nutshell, mothers
have more contribution to children
's training , since they are more familiar with their requirements and they are also
more versatile and responsible than fathers..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
Submitted by zohmoz93 on
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task achievement
Work on developing a more balanced argument by discussing both views in more detail. This will help in presenting a more thorough task response.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on examples and ensure they are directly supporting the main points. More specific examples can strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically flows into the next and check for coherence between sentences within paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a more comprehensive introduction and conclusion to better frame your argument and effectively summarize your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The points made are relevant and directly address the topic.
task achievement
Personal examples add a personal touch and make the arguments more relatable.
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