IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The tradition that the family gets together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts?

#tradition #meals #impacts
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In
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
show examples
 epoch, gathering families for having
meal
Add an article
a meal
show examples
 is converted into rare
habits
Fix the agreement mistake
habit
show examples
. The more societies
submerging
Wrong verb form
submerged
show examples
 in industry, the more traditional issues are faring away from families. Some of
reasons
Add an article
the reasons
show examples
 lead to unacceptable results that in the upbringing paragraphs will be mentioned.
A numerous
Correct the article-noun agreement
Numerous
show examples
 reasons are obscure behind
this
Linking Words
 issue,
firstly
Linking Words
, a wide range of people has been faced
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
 for family. To explain, due to industrialization,
duration
Correct article usage
the duration
show examples
 of work
time
Use synonyms
 is increasing and
parents
Use synonyms
 should work from early
time
Use synonyms
to night
Correct your spelling
tonight
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they cannot prepare a proper meal.
Secondly
Linking Words
, since
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system changed, children had spent a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 in school.
As a result
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 or
other member
Change the wording
another member
other members
show examples
 of
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
 may
cannot
Remove a modal verb
not
show examples
 gather to
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other at
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, another contributing factor is poor infrastructure in their treatments and instilling bad habits that social media plays a crucial role
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
, social
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 keep children
up with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
self-contained but in
bad
Change the article
a bad
show examples
 way. These
happens
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
 have conspicuous results, phycologists put forward some statements like poor parenting
is occurred
Change to the active voice
occurs
has occurred
show examples
 when they avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gathering at meal
time
Use synonyms
. Because, if progeny do not share their problems or conflicts with
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
, they will lose their enthusiasm to keep in touch with their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, due to
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of family
relationships
Add a comma
,relationships
show examples
 they will be exposed
depression
Change preposition
to depression
show examples
. To conclude, nowadays having
meal
Add an article
a meal
show examples
 is considered a
abolish
Wrong verb form
abolished
show examples
 tradition.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 issue is fuelled by some reasons
such
Linking Words
 as industrialization or poor infrastructure of treatments. Ultimately, bad parenting or depression can be
result
Add an article
the result
a result
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Submitted by marzieh.kava on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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