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Band 6

Everyone should stay at school until 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#school
Owing to the burgeoning competition Era
parents
 want
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 to
children
 focus on academic studies. It is believed by some people that
students
 should be studied in
school
 till 18 years old. I completely agree with
this
 statement and in the subsequent fragments. I will discuss why. Irrefutably, there are a plethora of grounds why I agree with
this
 statement but the vital two are enhancing a creative mindset and learning
time
 management. To commence with the former view, presently many schools give project work which is helping
students
 to think creatively and productively.
This
 is because, many
parents
 like to stay their
children
 in
school
 because they can learn new things like painting, puzzle games, communication skills and so on;
consequently
, adults are becoming smart and they learn quickly.
For example
, if schools had not
have
Change the verb form
had
show examples
 smart classed rooms,
then
students
 would not have worked smartly and
better
Add a missing verb
had better
show examples
 skills.
Furthermore
, schools not only teach core subjects but
also
 give opportunities for extracurricular activities.
Therefore
,
students
 can become smart and skilled people.
Moreover
, many organizations give priority to rules and regulations which helps pupils become
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
self-discipline
Replace the word
self-disciplined
show examples
 as well as better
time
 management.
Firstly
, both
parents
 work 9 to 5 jobs and they have no
time
 for their
children
.
This
 is the reason,
parents
 want to stay long hours in
school
 and they can attend day boarding classes so that
children
 can learn
time
 management and discipline.
For instance
, according to the Hindu newspaper, presently youngsters are becoming strict with rules and serious about their dreams. Thereby, many
children
 grab study quickly and earn early stages.
Secondly
, adults who learn discipline in
school
 life. They are more focused and dedicated to their studies rather than
procrastination
Replace the word
procrastinate
show examples
. To recapitulate, many people think that
children
 should study in
school
 at 18 age but if
children
 spent a long
time
 in
school
,
then
 they will be focused on their career and it will give fruitful results.
Submitted by surjeet_17 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Peer pressure
  • Desensitize
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Neglect
  • Abuse
  • Supervision
  • Anti-bullying measures
  • Societal norms
  • Stereotypes
  • Dominance
  • Cyberbullying
  • Anonymity
  • Digital devices
  • Enforcement
  • Cultural tolerance
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