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Band 7.5

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

#people #children #world #work #schools #teenagers #time #subjects
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It is claimed that teenagers do not get any experience of working in school.
Moreover
, many students only start thinking about it after graduation. That's why some people believe schools should provide additional opportunities to work
as well as
 teach theoretical basics. I find
this
 idea extremely useful and reasonable. On the one hand,
such
 an experience gives children crucial
skills
 needed for life in society,
for instance
, communication, teamwork, problem-solving and many others, which will be extremely valuable for them in future.
Moreover
, working at a non-paid or simple job can become the motivation for them to study harder in order to earn more money and take good positions in companies.
Furthermore
, work experience can give teenagers a glimpse into different career paths, helping them make more informed decisions about their future. By exposing them to various industries and job roles, they can better understand their own interests and strengths.
On the other hand
, academic subjects provide a solid foundation of knowledge and critical thinking
skills
 that are essential for higher education and certain professions.
Hence
, it becomes difficult to find the balance between studying and working, as pupils should keep up with the educational program and have to sit exams and tests
while
 working can distract them from preparing. In conclusion, I would like to say that
this
 idea can be extremely useful in terms of getting certain social
skills
.
However
, I believe it should be done in moderation
due to
 the lack of time students dispose of. Schools should provide opportunities for students to gain practical
skills
 and exposure to the world of work, but not at the expense of academic subjects.
Submitted by ddoiron on

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Task Achievement
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Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on creating more cohesive devices and transition phrases to connect ideas more smoothly between and within paragraphs. Additionally, vary your sentence structure to enhance the readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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