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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #time #community #teenager #society
There is a view, that adolescents need to do
work
 without payment in their leisure time and
this
 affects the community and young
people
 in a positive way. I would agree that, because a lot of teenage can develop social skills like compassion and empathy in dealing with other humans and
this
 is helpful for their
further
 way of life in private and professional situations.
To begin
 with, it is important to acknowledge that a vital number of teenagers don't know what they make in their leisure time. They waste a lot of days with cruel computer games or committing acts of violence
instead
 of practising some kinds of sports
such
 as swimming or football. Considering the increasing number of crimes by juveniles it seems to be useful that it is better
,
Remove the comma
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 when they participate in charitable
work
 as well
such
 as caring for the elderly or working for environmental protection.
As a result
, they
learning
Change the form of the verb
learn
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 they learn more about tolerance and charity. That said, a concern of the community should be for younger
people
 to take away from the street and give them meaningful activities. The local community benefits from the younger
people
 in two ways. On the one ,hand they need staff for healthcare at
this
 time and compensate for different staff gaps,
,
Change the punctuation
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additionally
 acts of violence caused by teenagers lead to damage to local facilities and society needs to pay for
this
 harm with higher taxes,
for example
. In conclusion,
although
 individual teenagers don't get money for their
work
, society and adolescents benefit from charitable
work
. The civilization has more staff for retirement homes and younger
people
 have a meaningful
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
.
Submitted by Diederich.1974 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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