Nowadays, internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Fame
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is one of the most sought-after attributes in our society, and thanks to the
Internet
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and
TV
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, just about everyone stands a fair chance of becoming famous. To my way of thinking,
while
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this
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phenomenon is not without its drawbacks, it is generally a favourable state of affairs. Admittedly, the fact that everyday
people
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can become instantly famous on
such
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platforms as the
Internet
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and
TV
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is undesirable in some ways. For a start, it promotes a rather skewed idea of success. When
people
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with no expertise or decent educational background become popular through the
Internet
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, it creates the impression that one can become successful without a school degree and hard work.
As a result
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, more and more teenagers, who are often easily influenced by celebrities, quit school and bet their entire future on becoming
internet
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famous. Even if they make it into the world of
fame
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, their success is often short-lived.
This
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is because one’s success on the
Internet
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and
TV
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hinges on their talent and creativity level, which tend to vary over time. I,
on the other hand
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, see
this
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change in a more positive light. The main reason is that the
Internet
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and
TV
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allow common men to make a fortune with minimal effort. YouTube content creators
such
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as PewDiePie and Ninja, who come from underprivileged families, now make millions with the means of the
Internet
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using their limited skill set. Were it not for the
Internet
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, these
people
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would have a slim chance of succeeding in life.
This
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phenomenon has
also
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helped level the playing field. In the past,
people
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mostly became famous through connections like family and friends.
However
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, now everyone has equal chances to rise to
fame
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owing to the
Internet
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and
TV
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as long as they are talented and creative.
To conclude
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,
while
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one should not overlook the downsides to
fame
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achieved on the
Internet
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or
TV
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, I am inclined to say that it is generally a positive change since it facilitates more attainable and equitable means of making a better living and succeeding in life
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task response
Your essay is generally well-written and provides a clear response to the task question. However, ensure that you cover both the positive and negative aspects of the given topic in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion. Your main points are supported but ensure that your ideas are logically and effectively linked throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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