IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many parts of the world, it is common for one parent to stay at home and raise a new born child while the other works full-time to earn money. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#parts #world #parent #home #child #works #money
In
this
 cutting-edge technological era, everyone is chasing the pavements of success, which has stimulated the masses to earn more money.
Thus
, in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 people do the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
full-time jobs and stay at
home
 for
Correct pronoun usage
their adolescent's
show examples
adolescent's
Change noun form
adolescent
show examples
 upbringing.
Advantages
Correct article usage
The advantages
show examples
 of the statement outweigh its disadvantages
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are described in the following paragraphs. There are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of reasons behind staying at
home
 and upbringing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
minors. The foremost one is providing them adequate lifestyle as parents get sufficient time to study the children and play with them, which ultimately foster them to be
loyal
Add an article
a loyal
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 to the teachers at school as well as
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
.
For example
, if
parent
Correct article usage
a parent
show examples
know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science and his child is
Add an article
the week
show examples
week
Correct your spelling
weak
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 same subject, he can teach him to get more marks in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science.
In addition
 to
this
, one major merit of
this
practise
Replace the word
practice
show examples
 is
reduction
Add an article
a reduction
the reduction
show examples
 in playing
high-tech
Change preposition
with high-tech
show examples
 gadgets in the
Correct your spelling
absence
absense
Correct your spelling
absence
 of the parents.
However
, when one professional
lives
Change to a singular noun
life
show examples
 at the residence, the inflow of finance gets shrinks, which
hinder
Correct subject-verb agreement
hinders
show examples
 the adolescents to attain high-quality education in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
top-notch schools and colleges.
For instance
, if a middle-class family's
office going
Add a hyphen
office-going
show examples
 person stays at the
home
 and teaches his children and does
household-chores
Correct your spelling
household chores
show examples
, he is unable to assist his
companinion
Correct your spelling
companion
 to increase the inflow of funds to
Correct your spelling
strengthen
strenghten
Correct your spelling
strengthen
 the financial condition of the house. All in all,
although
 there are
Correct your spelling
several
severl
Correct your spelling
several
 merits of working full-time to earn notes for the betterment of the family, the adverse effects of staying at
home
 and
Correct your spelling
nurturing
nuturing
Correct your spelling
nurturing
 children cannot be neglected.
Thus
, people should keep their financial situation in mind before living
Change preposition
in at
show examples
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
 and contributing
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 teenagers.
Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: