IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would help the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #time #community #teenager #society
The essay will be examining whether or not
teenagers
 should
volunteer
 to participate in activities that help the local community. I agree that the
work
 done by
teenagers
 would help both the
teenagers
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society writ large by creating a sense of ownership and equity.
Teenagers
 in their formative years would benefit by volunteering as they would learn about the society they live in and the
problems
 that it faces. When
teenagers
volunteer
 to do
work
 in their locality they are bound to face unique
problems
 at some stage. These
problems
 provide a fertile situation for teens to develop executive function,
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
 and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
skills
 which increases
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurial
entreprenurial
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurial
 thinking amongst them.
Moreover
, apart from
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
skills
Add a comma
,skills
show examples
 the best antidote to mental health
problems
 is a strong personal connection to the area they live in. The number of friends and the size of one's social circle is a good
predictor
Fix the agreement mistake
predictors
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 of any individual. Thereby, volunteering would be beneficial to youngsters by helping them develop
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
skills
 as well as improve their mental health.
The society
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
 would benefit from
volunteer
work
 by teens in two ways. The
first
 way would be increased community participation on the part of parents, which in turn would increase
probability
Add an article
the probability
show examples
 of local government bodies functioning properly.
Secondly
,
volunteer
work
 by
teenagers
 would improve overall societal cohesion as they would now be less likely to resort to crime or drugs as they have a support group available to them.
Volunteer
work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 thereby would serve to improve interest in local government and help keep
Correct your spelling
communities
communites
Correct your spelling
communities
 crime and
drug free
Add a hyphen
drug-free
show examples
. In Conclusion,
volunteer
work
 by
teenagers
 would help them develop
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
skills
 to excel in the real world. As they
say
Add a comma
,say
show examples
 an empty mind is a devil's mind,
volunteer
work
 would serve to keep the
teenagers
Correct your spelling
engaged
enegaged
Correct your spelling
engaged
 and make them less likely to trod down the path of unproductive activities, while inculcating proper civic sensibilities and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
functioning
Add an article
the functioning
show examples
 of local government bodies.
Submitted by rohit.pandeyecon on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: