IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Many working people get little or no exerciseeither during the working dayorin their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for you answer and include any relevant examplesfrom your own knowledge or experience

#people #exerciseeither #dayorin #time #health #exercise #examplesfrom
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given two pie charts compare data about
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 among six groups of volunteer works, including Educational, Environmental, Art, Healthcare, Sport, and Others in 2003 and 2014. Looking more closely at the figures for
further
Linking Words
 details, It is transparent that Environmental, Educational, and Sports were the top three
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 that received
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 support from participants over the others. At the beginning of the
surveyed
Replace the word
survey
show examples
 period, Educational accounted for almost a quarter in total (24%) and there was almost
one fifth
Add a hyphen
one-fifth
show examples
 of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 (21%) supported
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Environmental jobs. After the 11-year period, these voluntary jobs still kept attracting
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the participant
a participant
show examples
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 for nearly a
third
Linking Words
joining
Wrong verb form
joined
show examples
 and
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
 Environmental issues (29%), followed by Sports at 25% and come
third
Linking Words
 Sport at 25%. Meanwhile,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Healthcare activities and Art were merely received 7% and 12% respectively in 2003,
this
Linking Words
 sector remained a modest proportion in 2014 at only 8%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the Art group witnessed a moderate drop
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 percentage over the decade from 18% to 12%, which was correlated with the Other group decreasing from 15%
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2003 to 9% in 2014.
Submitted by hoangthoakinhte on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • physical activity
  • health problems
  • exercise routine
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • sedentary jobs
  • sedentary behavior
  • long working hours
  • lack of time
  • lack of motivation
  • inadequate facilities
  • stress and fatigue
  • lack of awareness
  • social pressure
  • access to parks
  • recreational areas
What to do next:
Look at other essays: