IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,
equality
Use synonyms
 between genders is a controversial topic and
universities
Use synonyms
 want to ensure
this
Linking Words
. I think that they should accept an equal number of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and females in the
subjects
Use synonyms
 to promote
equality
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.
However
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, for the physical
Use synonyms
subjects
Add a comma
subjects,
show examples
 it would be better to have more
men
Use synonyms
. For several decades, educational institutions
such
Linking Words
 as schools and
universities
Use synonyms
 have attempted to treat
men
Use synonyms
 and women equally.
This
Linking Words
 can be achieved by having an equal number of people of different genders in each class. The effect is that students do not feel better or worse based on their sex, and they become more aware of the importance of equal rights.
For example
Linking Words
, Germany's Minister of
Equality
Use synonyms
, Adolf Müller, published a graph in the national newspaper showing how, since
universities
Use synonyms
 adopted these practices, people take
equality
Use synonyms
 more seriously.
Nevertheless
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, gender
equality
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 in
universities
Use synonyms
 cannot always be guaranteed.
While
Linking Words
this
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 is essential in scientific and literary fields, it is not so easy in those requiring a certain level of physical fitness. Genetically,
men
Use synonyms
 tend to be stronger than women and are better prepared to pass some rather tough physical tests. To be a firefighter or police officer,
men
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 are more qualified for the position
due to
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 the demanding nature of these jobs,
although
Linking Words
 some women
also
Linking Words
 pass these tests.
For example
Linking Words
, the INE (National Institute of Statistics and Census) shows that police and firefighter positions are held by
men
Use synonyms
 90% of the time.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parity in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
subjects
Use synonyms
 is essential to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inequality, but some
subjects
Use synonyms
 are more likely to have
men
Use synonyms
 because of physical demands.

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task achievement
Work on providing more varied examples to support your points. Some ideas could benefit from additional explanation or evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to another. Transitions between paragraphs could be made clearer to improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion reinforces your main argument more clearly and summarizes your points effectively.
task achievement
You've provided a clear position on the topic and a thoughtful balance of arguments, showing critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction outlines your stance well, giving the reader a clear expectation of your essay's direction.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
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