IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays, many people argue with the idea of accepting an equal number of women and men in universities and in every subject.
This
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 essay totally agrees with
this
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 statement. I strongly trust the concept of equality regarding the themes learned in university, and the possibility of choosing should be based on the performance of everyone.
Body paragraph 1
After finishing high school, many young people are doubting when choosing what they want to do
next,
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because of the judgment of others, their teachers, their family, friends , etc.
For example
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, when I was in high school, most of the girls had difficulties with mathematics and sciences.
In addition
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, some teachers did not encourage them to trust themselves and to follow their dreams to integrateinto agreat school. But
also
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 a large number of professors think that it is a subject dedicated to males.
This
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 shows that equality is sometimes not respected.
Body paragraph 2
The possibility to learn a subject should be given to everyone, without a limited number of one of the two genders. Giving the chance to equal figures for males and females could reinforce solidarity in class.
For instance
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, in France, many well-known schools are known for their lack of integrity.
Furthermore
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, most of them are private and very selective , and many women do not feel integrated compared to the men.
This
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 illustrates the importance of having variety in every college.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, in my opinion, every young person should have the opportunity to study what they want without any barriers, in every classroom where males and females are welcomed the same way.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that men and women should have the same chance to study any subject. However, the question is about equal numbers in every subject. Explain more clearly why fixed equal numbers are fair, or why they may not be needed if places go to the best students.
task response
Develop each main idea further. For example, say how equal numbers could help women in science and men in subjects such as nursing, then explain the result for students and for society.
task response
Your examples are linked to the topic, but they are not fully clear. The example about France should say what happens in these schools and how equal numbers would improve the problem.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Make the link between the first body part and your main point clearer. It mainly shows unfair ideas about girls, but it does not directly show why universities should accept fixed equal numbers.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. Start with a topic sentence, explain it, give one clear example, and then link it back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words more carefully, such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Some ideas now move too fast, especially in the second body part.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view to the end.
task response
You use examples about school, science, and women feeling left out, which are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph clearly repeats your main message about equal chances for all young people.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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