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Writing Samples
Band 6

Fast food is becoming a part of life everywhere, negatively affecting our lifestyles and diets. To what extend agree or disagree?

#food #part #life #lifestyles #diets
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In today's job market, fast
food
 is turning into the type of
food
that is
 popular
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the most of population around the world.
However
, it is commonly believed that fast
food
 has a major impact on
people
's diet and lifestyle. In my opinion, I agree with
this
 view and accept
this
 will have dual main negative effects on
people
 eating
convenience
food
, and
this
 essay will be proven by looking at the negatives mentioned below. Coming to the first influence is
also
 the highest impact that eating
junk
food
 too much will make
people
 have excessive weight gain and they lead to obesity
easier
Replace the word
easily
show examples
 than other
people
 because they absorb a large of sugar, salt and calories sparely without doing exercise or playing sports to balance the content of substances in the body.
Besides
 that,
junk
food
 has so much salt.
Therefore
, it can make
people
 accumulate large amounts of cholesterols accidentally inside blood vessels, and high blood pressure will become earlier.
For example
, it can take Europe as an instance, the most of patients who have high blood pressure or cardiovascular conditions usually are the humans who use
junk
food
 for most meals.
Thus
, eating
junk
food
 too much will cause your health to decrease and it
also
 causes many serious and dangerous diseases.
On the other hand
, depending on
convenience
food
 may negatively affect
people
's cookery skills. For explanation, It can be seen that when
people
 don'
t
 spend their time in the kitchen, their skill in cooking will drop and they can'
t
 cook their favourite dishes.
Otherwise
, buying a large number of
convenience
 foods may cause
people
's finances to decline significantly.
Moreover
, Growing excess
food
 and drink packaging
also
 increased domestic waste in cities.
For instance
, in the USA, most of the total rubbish is always from fast
food
 which is out of the day and
people
 can'
t
 continue to eat it. Especially,
this
 trash
also
 raises the proportion of environmental pollution. Henceforth, it can be stated that
convenience
food
 is a controversial
food
. Even though fast
food
 is cheap, delicious and convenient, it
also
 gives you a lot of negative effects on your health and your finances. And, students shouldn'
t
 eat
convenience
food
 for long times
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coherence cohesion
Structure your essay more logically to ensure that each paragraph flows naturally from one to the next. Use more linking phrases to improve overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Focus on providing more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments and make them stronger.
general
Reduce the number of grammatical errors and improve sentence structure to ensure your ideas are conveyed more clearly. Proofread your work or seek feedback to identify recurring issues.
task achievement
Clear stance and argumentation are provided, which aligns well with the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which help frame the argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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