IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Nowadays
due to
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 the large increase in ,population a
lot
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 of wild
animals
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 are on the edge of extinction and other
animals
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 are on the endangered list because of deforestation and the food they eat of
animals
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.
This
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 essay is going to describe the solutions to those problems mentioned above.
Due to
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 the drastic increase in the amount of population growth in the world, a
lot
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 of forests
is
Verb problem
have
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 been cut down and developed as houses or offices for humans.
This
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 has a
lot
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 of effects on
animals
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 because they will lose their shelter
moreover
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 they can not even find food for them to survive
due to
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 which they will suffer from severe diseases and sometimes
this
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 can lead to the death of
animals
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.
For instance
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, when
animals
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 are hungry they find their own food in the
forest
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 but
due to
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 the absence of , the
forest
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 they get to eat waste which was produced by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans
such
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 as plastics
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due to
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apply
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which they die because plastic damages their digestive system .cutting down of
forest
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 has a
lot
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 of disadvantages than the benefits.
Firstly
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 we should reduce
cutting
Correct article usage
the cutting
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 down of
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forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
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 for building offices or homes.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should not sell the
forest
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 to any private individuals
for destroying
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to destroy
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them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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.
Secondly
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 human should stop using non-biodegradable products which take years to
get
Verb problem
apply
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decomposed
Wrong verb form
decompose
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 into
to
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apply
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soil and
also
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 affects the soil
instead
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 items
search
Correct your spelling
such
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 as plastic bags or bottles can be replaced with reusable bags
whereas
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 plastic bottles can be recycled.
For example
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 , recent research showed that almost all the land and soil got damaged by non-solvable waste.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should take
initiative
Correct article usage
the initiative
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 to bring new ideas for inventing products which have no damage to the
animals
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as well as
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 the environment. In conclusion, a Large number of wild
animals
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 are in the end and some other
animals
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 are on the endangered list. Government and humans both should take responsibility for not harming
animals
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 by cutting down the
forest
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 and not by producing harmful products which affect their eating habits.

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task achievement
Ensure clarity in discussing the causes and solutions of the topic. The essay needs to provide a balanced discussion on both parts of the question to fully satisfy the task achievement criterion.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas more coherently with appropriate linking words and topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs. Avoid jumping from one idea to another without clear transitions.
lexical resource
Enhance the range of vocabulary used. The essay could benefit from more sophisticated and varied language to express the ideas more effectively.
grammatical range and accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and range. The essay contains grammatical errors, and the use of complex sentence structures could be improved.
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