IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#animals #verge #extinction #list
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Nowadays
due to
 the large increase in ,population a
lot
 of wild
animals
 are on the edge of extinction and other
animals
 are on the endangered list because of deforestation and the food they eat of
animals
.
This
 essay is going to describe the solutions to those problems mentioned above.
Due to
 the drastic increase in the amount of population growth in the world, a
lot
 of forests
is
Verb problem
have
show examples
 been cut down and developed as houses or offices for humans.
This
 has a
lot
 of effects on
animals
 because they will lose their shelter
moreover
 they can not even find food for them to survive
due to
 which they will suffer from severe diseases and sometimes
this
 can lead to the death of
animals
.
For instance
, when
animals
 are hungry they find their own food in the
forest
 but
due to
 the absence of , the
forest
 they get to eat waste which was produced by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans
such
 as plastics
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which they die because plastic damages their digestive system .cutting down of
forest
 has a
lot
 of disadvantages than the benefits.
Firstly
 we should reduce
cutting
Correct article usage
the cutting
show examples
 down of
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
 for building offices or homes.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should not sell the
forest
 to any private individuals
for destroying
Change preposition
to destroy
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
.
Secondly
 human should stop using non-biodegradable products which take years to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decomposed
Wrong verb form
decompose
show examples
 into
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
soil and
also
 affects the soil
instead
 items
search
Correct your spelling
such
show examples
 as plastic bags or bottles can be replaced with reusable bags
whereas
 plastic bottles can be recycled.
For example
 , recent research showed that almost all the land and soil got damaged by non-solvable waste.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should take
initiative
Correct article usage
the initiative
show examples
 to bring new ideas for inventing products which have no damage to the
animals
as well as
 the environment. In conclusion, a Large number of wild
animals
 are in the end and some other
animals
 are on the endangered list. Government and humans both should take responsibility for not harming
animals
 by cutting down the
forest
 and not by producing harmful products which affect their eating habits.
Submitted by kallipoornima9999 on

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task achievement
Ensure clarity in discussing the causes and solutions of the topic. The essay needs to provide a balanced discussion on both parts of the question to fully satisfy the task achievement criterion.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas more coherently with appropriate linking words and topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs. Avoid jumping from one idea to another without clear transitions.
lexical resource
Enhance the range of vocabulary used. The essay could benefit from more sophisticated and varied language to express the ideas more effectively.
grammatical range and accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and range. The essay contains grammatical errors, and the use of complex sentence structures could be improved.
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