In many countries, an increasing crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in Computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #crime #images #television #computer #video #games

Many different nations believe that crime has been increased by violent pictures shown on technology devices and video games. In my opinion, I agree with

this

notion and

this

essay will discuss more in detail below.

Firstly

, nowadays children and teenagers have the freedom to access millions of games in legal or illegal ways through their own gadgets

such

as smartphones, computers, and video game consoles.

This

could put them at risk of discovering games rated for those above 18 years old that contain graphic violence and adultery, which are unsuitable for them. When kids are exposed early to

this

kind of theme, they will learn to think all the bad things are normal and will be able to practice it in real life.

For example

, in Indonesia, there was a child who accidentally killed his friend when they wrestled because they played WWE together and thought it would be fun to do those actions together.

Secondly

, news on television and social media oftentimes covers horrible incidents in nations

such

as murders, theft, and bullying.

Thus

, when a person sees how many crimes are happening all over the place, they will think

this

is common.

For instance

, there was a woman who poisoned her friend over their trivial fight after being inspired by a similar case she watched on the news. In conclusion, hostile and violent content shown in various ways is definitely able to affect the viewers, especially kids who still do not have a clear knowledge of what is right and wrong.

However

this

negative impact is preventable with the help of parental supervision.

Submitted by desyaf99 on Sun Jan 28 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on clearly outlining your main points in the introduction to provide a roadmap for your essay.

task achievement

Include a clear thesis statement that directly responds to the essay prompt.

task achievement

Develop your ideas more comprehensively by expanding on how violent images impact behavior with additional examples and explanations.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that you connect your ideas and paragraphs with appropriate linking words and cohesive devices.

task achievement

Consider discussing counter-arguments or the views of those who may disagree to provide a more balanced argument and address the prompt more completely.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

266 words

8.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, an increasing crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in Computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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