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Band 5.5

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic?

#people #measures #epidemic
It is true that in contemporary years, obesity has become a major issue in developed countries.
This
 essay will discuss contributing factors and solutions to tackle the problem.
Although
 there are several reasons that make
people
 overweight, two root causes have the most contribution to
this
 trend.
First,
nowadays fast
food
 is getting popular among youngsters or even adults as it is tastier and more cost-effective in comparison with homemade
food
.
Besides
hectic
Add a missing verb
being hectic
show examples
people
 usually don’t get much time to prepare and deliver staple
food
,
therefore
 they choose a poor diet which is high in calories and contains low nutrient substances.
For example
, in
recent
Correct word choice
the last
show examples
 2 years rate of take-out restaurants
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 drastically
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 in America.
Second,
as we are living in the digital era, computers are taking over human roles and employees are forced to spend 8 hours a day on their laptops to accomplish their tasks or customers tend to shop online from e-commerce platforms.
This
 means less activity and more gaining weight.
For example
, most
people
 in Iran use the Digi Kala application to purchase clothes.
While
 obesity is quickly spreading among different nations, the government should take wise actions and encourage
people
 to change their lifestyles from inactive to active ones. Launching a publicity campaign in the media and producing innovative content about the drawbacks of a poor diet leads to promoting healthy
food
.
Moreover
, assigning a budget for developing numerous recreational centres or advancing sports facilities in all districts makes residents motivated to do more exercise and burn excess fat
as a result
. In conclusion, it is common knowledge that the dangers of being overfat are countless and these can seriously affect human lives. Educating
people
 about the side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of
this
 trend and providing sufficient facilities for having a healthy lifestyle can prevent facing dire consequences.
Submitted by m_sepahi on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is logically developed with relevant support.
task achievement
Expand the scope of your examples to illustrate your points more fully.
task achievement
Provide a brief overview of your essay in the introduction to establish the scope of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Draw a clear link between your examples and the overall argument to reinforce your discussion points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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