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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #ages #populations #yemen #projections #summaries #features #comparisons
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The pie chart
depict
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depicts
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 the
prportional
Correct your spelling
proportional
 representations of three different
age
Use synonyms
 groups in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy in
the
Change the article
apply
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2000. The information shows that the
age
Use synonyms
group
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 of 0 to 14 is the biggest in
Yemen
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 in 2000,
while
Linking Words
 it is the lowest in Italy in both 2000 and 2050, illustrating the significant differences
population
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in population
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 structure between
Yemen
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 and Italy. In
Yemen
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, the
age
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group
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 of 15 to 51 is expected to rise to 57.3% in 2050, and become the largest in
Yemen
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. With regards to the
age
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group
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 of 0 to 14, the population percentage is projected to decline to 37%, which is the most
fluctuated
Wrong verb form
fluctuating
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 number of three.
Besides
Linking Words
, people in the
age
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group
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 of 60+
years
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 old still remain the least population in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Yemen
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, and the number
grow
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grows
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 marginally from 2000 to 2050, at 3.6% to 5.7%, respectively. In Italy, it is evident that the
age
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group
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 of 60+
years
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 is forecast to plunge twice as much
2000
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in 2000
show examples
 as 2050 at 42.3%,
while
Linking Words
 the
age
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group
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 of 15 to 59
years
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diwindle
Correct your spelling
dwindle
dwindled
 from 61.6% to 46.2%, and
then
Linking Words
finally
Linking Words
 shared fairly percentage with the
age
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group
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 of 60+
years
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. In stark contrast, most of the pie chart was filled by the above two
age
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 groups;
thus
Linking Words
, the remaining part only accounts for 11.5% in 2050 by 0 to 14
years
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.
Submitted by aslenxd on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, yemen, group, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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