IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In today’s world, private companies rather than government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#today’s #world #companies #government #conduct #research
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In the modern world, many individuals believe that the whole scientific
research
Use synonyms
 should be invested by private enterprises rather than the
government
Use synonyms
 in charge of it. I personally accept that the
research
Use synonyms
 performed by companies may have some benefits, but I would agree that there are more drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, If the companies do it by themselves it would be problematic for a number of reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they have to spend a great amount of money on
research
Use synonyms
 because it has a prohibitive price. Take investment money
for example
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, the cost always counts by thousands or even
millions
Add the preposition
millions of
show examples
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
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 units
such
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 as the price of rent laboratories and,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cutting-edge
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 could lead to a lack of capital sources and if they do not address it soon, the result would be bankruptcy.
Secondly
Linking Words
, time
would
Verb problem
apply
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plays an important role in success because modern
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 mainly time-consuming so
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 guarantees that future income
could
Verb problem
will
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 be able to cover the massive expenses.
However
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, I strongly believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 paying for
research
Use synonyms
 offers more benefits.
This
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 could be explained by the fact that the nation's sources are plentiful so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they could
research
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 various macroeconomic plans. A good example is that
outta
Change preposition
apply
show examples
space projects or eco-friendly environment projects would cost a host of money and they could do it without limit.
Furthermore
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, the workforce for the
government
Use synonyms
 accounts for a huge amount
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the country's population which is not lacking in brilliant ideas.
For instance
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, the
major
Correct your spelling
majority
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 of graduates with
high’s
Change noun form
high
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 degrees always seeking a job
concern
Replace the word
concerned
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 with
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government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
 where they could dedicate
Correct pronoun usage
themselves for
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their countries. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
private-enterprises
Correct your spelling
private enterprises
show examples
 doing
research
Use synonyms
 may not have more benefits, I
also
Linking Words
 believe that giving it to the
government
Use synonyms
 would be beneficial to the nation's
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
.
Submitted by trminhchau27 on

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Coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay to better develop your ideas and arguments.
Coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion effectively present your position and summarize your main points.
Task achievement
Provide relevant and specific examples to support your ideas and arguments more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • groundbreaking technologies
  • efficiently allocate resources
  • innovative projects
  • strict timelines
  • profit motives
  • basic research
  • commercial application
  • corporate funding
  • biases in research
  • unbiased exploration
  • balanced exploration
  • public sector
  • private sector
  • synergy
  • comprehensive outcomes
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